No Touch Monkey, by Ayun Halliday

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Lord Jim
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No Touch Monkey, by Ayun Halliday

Postby Lord Jim » Fri Sep 18, 2009 9:04 am

I knew I’d have one problem with this book even before turning the first paqe, for it is one of those “spoiled rich white kid, demonstrating his/her hip grooviness by backpacking across Europe with one bong and 35 cents in his/her pocket,” kind of books. Despite the self-congratulatory tone of such works, it is true that traveling without the tour group or the tour bus can provide some good stories and some good reading. Thus, I took the plunge. In the words of the old knight in Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade, “He (I) chose… poorly.” ‘Twas a horrible literary experience almost beyond compare. There was much, of course, of the above mentioned “I’m so hip, groovy, and edgy, scoring weed in the slums of Amsterdam” nonsense, worse, however, was that the stories were simply uninteresting and, despite the promises of unbridled hilarity to be had on every page, unfunny. Those problems by themselves, however, could not have made the book an odyssey of literary pain and unmitigaged suffering. No, for horrors like that we have to become intimately familiar with the author’s diarrhea. You see, much like 14 year old boys I used to know, our author is obsessed with her diarrhea, flatulence, and vaginal yeast infections that come from travel in Africa and bathing nowhere. She simply LOVES endlessly telling us how filthy she is at all times and quite early on in the book we are treated to a description of the difficulties of washing her “malodorous vagina” in a public bathroom sink. From that highpoint, it is, believe it or not, all downhill. Reading the reviews at Amazon, I note that people who object to the book on the same grounds as I are attacked for being easily “offended”, like some uptight, Bible-thumping, Republican senator. But I am not “offended”. Call my mother a tramp and I am offended. Sit down to a breakfast of, say, steaming monkey vomit and I am repulsed, disgusted, and revolted. This book was repulsive, disgusting, and revolting. We’ve all had diarrhea, and we’ve all been dirty, it’s just that most of us don’t believe such things should be the literary focus of our lives.
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Hissmonster
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Postby Hissmonster » Sat Sep 19, 2009 10:26 pm

oh that's bad...sound more like it should be under mosby's book of travel ailments and not fiction....ugh..and she got published...there's hope for me yet!!!!!!!!!!! 8)
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Lord Jim
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Postby Lord Jim » Tue Sep 22, 2009 1:01 pm

Hissmonster wrote:oh that's bad...sound more like it should be under mosby's book of travel ailments and not fiction....ugh..and she got published...there's hope for me yet!!!!!!!!!!! 8)


I am now reading "Worlds To Explore", edited by Mark Jenkins. This, too, is travel writing, covering world explorers circa. 1850-1920. We're talking REAL roughing it type adventures. One can only imagine the filth, disease, and sickness encountered in the Congo in 1895, but, somehow, these writers have yet to go into the graphic details of even one diarrheatic episode. Imagine that. Great book, by the way.

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