mslover's poetry junkyard

Mlou · Postby **Mlou** » Mon Jun 21, 2010 1:25 pm

June 21 poem
Why the fancy little squiggle~ Why not a question mark? at lips, embrace and unseen?
Last lines: fade, disappear, unseen...sort of express the same thing. Is there one more powerful word that could replace all three?

Finally..how about some titles?

mslover · Postby **mslover** » Mon Jun 21, 2010 3:33 pm

sometimes i wonder what is the point of giving them titles? though sometimes i just don't know what to call them and/or since this is my junkyard they are typically not done or need a lot of tweaking. for you, mlou, i will see what i can do.

Mlou · Postby **Mlou** » Mon Jun 21, 2010 3:34 pm

lol For moi??

mslover · Postby **mslover** » Mon Jun 21, 2010 3:46 pm

yes just for you. as to the squiggles but no question marks... i'm not sure why but question marks in poetry bug me. i suppose i could use a semicolon instead of the squiggles.

and yes, that would tighten up the last bit if i could tighten up my fading into the background... i'll ponder on it.

Mlou · Postby **Mlou** » Mon Jun 21, 2010 3:53 pm

haha Actually I don't mind question marks. They invite the reader to ponder what's being said and what the answer might be, rather than just to skim over the words...words that we have expended so much effort on getting just right.
I'd rather the squiggle than semicolons. They're like road blocks in the way of reading and often they're not used correctly. Yeah, picky picky. :roll:

TheMudge · Postby **TheMudge** » Fri Jun 25, 2010 10:35 am

It has been said that, back in the day, the police deduced that the Son of Sam killer was both intelligent and educated because his notes included semicolons, used correctly.

mslover · Postby **mslover** » Fri Jun 25, 2010 12:02 pm

ummm... so does this mean i should or shouldn't use semicolons?

TheMudge · Postby **TheMudge** » Fri Jun 25, 2010 12:12 pm

only if you know where they go.

mslover · Postby **mslover** » Fri Jun 25, 2010 12:16 pm

well, ummm.... since i don't hold myself out to be edumacated or intelligent in any respect, i guess i will pass on the using them. :roll:

TheMudge · Postby **TheMudge** » Fri Jun 25, 2010 12:49 pm

There ya go. Problem solved.

Mlou · Postby **Mlou** » Sun Jun 27, 2010 10:05 am

May all of life's problems be solved so easily.

mslover · Postby **mslover** » Fri Aug 06, 2010 10:47 am

intoxication

you flow through me,
a honey liqueur,
sweet,
slow,
smooth
intoxicating.

Mlou · Postby **Mlou** » Fri Aug 06, 2010 10:57 am

They love sensual on AP...and you're well supplied for future contests in that vein.

mslover · Postby **mslover** » Sun Aug 08, 2010 8:26 pm

well we shall see... i am still not overly confident in posting into contests...

mae · Postby **mae** » Mon Aug 09, 2010 10:22 am

So, dear mslover, that IS you on AP!!! I thought the avatar looked familiar! Oh, honey, your stuff will be ve-e-e-ery popular there! Now I can see both of you in both places. Yeah!

mae

Mlou · Postby **Mlou** » Mon Aug 09, 2010 11:13 am

mae, better watch for Jill and lilac too...I'm trying to lure everyone to the action.

mae · Postby **mae** » Mon Aug 09, 2010 12:07 pm

Just so they don't have to choose between the two places. I really want WT to pick up. This place is so gentle with its writers - or usually, anyway - while still valuing honesty. I really like the atmosphere here. It's just kind of slow right now.

mae

mslover · Postby **mslover** » Mon Aug 09, 2010 12:52 pm

i wonder... how do you know if people want crits on the ap site? and what is up with mcfreeman? he has made some very odd comments and i'm not quite sure what the heck...

Mlou · Postby **Mlou** » Mon Aug 09, 2010 1:36 pm

Well, you get weirdos on every site I guess. I kind of let those comments slip by without answer. I got one that said, "I'm sorry but..." That was it. Have no idea what it meant, and another with just one weird word.

mae · Postby **mae** » Mon Aug 09, 2010 1:41 pm

ms, youse pays yer money and youse takes yer chances.

mae

Postby **JillStar** » Mon Aug 09, 2010 1:52 pm

Perhaps people make quick comments just to have their name out there for others to click.

I've been reading some of the poems and just wonder what type of mindset people are in when they write. Others seem to want to startle people or shock them. I'm not into shock poetry. Sometimes it's okay but not when it's random sex comments that have no place in the poem.

LilacWine · Postby **LilacWine** » Mon Aug 09, 2010 2:08 pm

One nice thing about AP is that they have groups to join as well, serious groups and less so. I pretty much stick to reading my favs.

mslover · Postby **mslover** » Mon Aug 09, 2010 4:18 pm

probably a good idea - man some of that stuff is well, awful, some is as jillstar notes "shock" and then there are some good ones. thank goodness i can count on you guys to give me the good stuff!

mae · Postby **mae** » Mon Aug 09, 2010 4:22 pm

Well, I don't know how good my stuff is, but it isn't shocking at least!

mae

mslover · Postby **mslover** » Fri Aug 20, 2010 2:03 pm

fed up with arrogance

Full of his own self importance,
his head so far up in the atmosphere,
he must breathe different air,
that of lowly beings beneath.

I find myself wondering
if they make hats in his size.

He lauds his derisive attitude,
praises his own actions,
feeling superior, smug and
entitled to be so;

yet still he is just a child
with a lack of respect for wisdom.

It is time for him to figure out
sometimes the wisest
say nothing
when nothing needs to be said.

mslover's poetry junkyard

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