Olympic Questions - critiques and comments encouraged

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mae
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Olympic Questions - critiques and comments encouraged

Postby mae » Mon Aug 18, 2008 1:18 pm

I know it's important to someone,
at least those who engage in it,
important to someone,

but does anyone else really care,
really care
about water polo?

The players wear those hats;
they look really silly
in those silly hats

and can you imagine treading water
for an hour?
There's a lot of splashing going on
while they tread water
for an hour.

Isn't table tennis something you play
in your basement
when you can't afford a foos ball game?
On that scarred-up table
in the basement

while that incessant
"plunk-plunk" drives you slowly
insane?

Why do the women in beach volleyball
wear bikinis,
itsy-bitsy, teeny-weeny
bikinis

but the men wear shorts and tank tops?

I'm just wondering, is all.



mae
Last edited by mae on Mon Aug 25, 2008 3:48 pm, edited 1 time in total.
My heart beats in poetry. I think in rhythm and dream in rhyme.

Give me a crit! I can take it!

CELTIC QUEEN, an Epic Poem, Cynthia M. Bateman, amazon.com, barnesandnoble.com, http://www.tatepublishing.com/bookstore ... +Epic+Poem at Tate Publishing
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Mlou
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Postby Mlou » Thu Aug 21, 2008 9:11 am

Hate to admit it but I've been by-passing the Olympics. I usually enjoy certain events. Just too busy. Anyway...I note the deliberate repetition in your stanzas. Interesting...it re-enforces the underlying feel of boredom.
nothing is ever simply Yes or No. There's always a But...


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LizGrayson
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Postby LizGrayson » Mon Aug 25, 2008 3:07 pm

I don't think you need both "silly"-s in the verse about water polo, but other than that, the only thing I'd do is put line three in verse five at the end of the verse. I like the topic and the writing style. I've been wondering many of the same things myself these past two weeks. Anything you can play in your basement shouldn't be an Olympic sport.

And powerwalking. I walked a 10K in 55 minutes for the Cystic Fibrosis Foundation - does that mean I could be in the Olympics? lol.

Some things just can't be explained, in an Olympic year or otherwise.

LG :D
Don't buy drugs. Become a pop star and they give you them for free! ~ Billy Mack (aka the lovely Bill Nighy), Love Actually
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Mlou
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Postby Mlou » Mon Aug 25, 2008 3:10 pm

Is foos ball anything like nerf ball? :wink:
nothing is ever simply Yes or No. There's always a But...





GINGERBREAD MAN by Mary Lou Healy at Amazon.com http://www.publishamerica.com/shopping/ ... ogid=16658 at Publish America
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mae
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Postby mae » Mon Aug 25, 2008 3:47 pm

Liz, the two 'sillys' carry on the repetitive style that you find throughout the poem.

And, in my humble opinion, you could CERTAINLY qualify for the Olympics in power-walking!

Oh, mlou, mlou. You really do need some grandchildren, dear, you really do. No, foos ball is not like a nerf ball. "Nerf" balls are those balls made out of foam. Foos ball is a game that is played at a table - like air hockey - with several rows of "players" (plastic figures mounted to a metal dowel with knobs on the end. You turn and move the dowel with the knobs) and you score by whacking a puck-like thing with your little players that you've manipulated. That's all rather confusing, but I don't know how to explain it better. You can look it up on the internet to see a photo of one. I'm sure you'll recognize it.

If not, go down to your local Boys and Girls Club. They will undoubtedly have a foos ball table or two.

mae
My heart beats in poetry. I think in rhythm and dream in rhyme.



Give me a crit! I can take it!



CELTIC QUEEN, an Epic Poem, Cynthia M. Bateman, amazon.com, barnesandnoble.com, http://www.tatepublishing.com/bookstore ... +Epic+Poem at Tate Publishing
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Mlou
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Postby Mlou » Mon Aug 25, 2008 4:59 pm

Okay, would you like to lend me some of the little ones? Or must I look forward to 'blick's upcoming nuptials and wait hopefully. Or maybe you didn't know, he's my HGS (honorary grandson). :D
nothing is ever simply Yes or No. There's always a But...





GINGERBREAD MAN by Mary Lou Healy at Amazon.com http://www.publishamerica.com/shopping/ ... ogid=16658 at Publish America
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mae
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Postby mae » Mon Aug 25, 2008 5:17 pm

I'll send you the almost-four-year-old. He's becoming a bit "balky", as is standard for four-year-olds. You can send him back in a year. I'm not sure what his mother will say, but I'll let you deal with her.

mae
My heart beats in poetry. I think in rhythm and dream in rhyme.



Give me a crit! I can take it!



CELTIC QUEEN, an Epic Poem, Cynthia M. Bateman, amazon.com, barnesandnoble.com, http://www.tatepublishing.com/bookstore ... +Epic+Poem at Tate Publishing
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LizGrayson
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Postby LizGrayson » Tue Aug 26, 2008 8:17 am

Yeah, I get the point of the two "silly"s - I'm just a woman of few words when it comes to poetry, so I tend not to repeat myself. That's just my opinion. Your mileage may vary. :D :D I'm hardly even remotely close to being an expert in these matters.
Don't buy drugs. Become a pop star and they give you them for free! ~ Billy Mack (aka the lovely Bill Nighy), Love Actually

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