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TUESDAY POETRY CHALLENGE - 3-23-10

Posted: Mon Mar 22, 2010 11:10 pm
by Mlou
Can't believe it's already time for another challenge. Time seems to be getting away from me lately..or maybe I'm slowing down. lol

1. Any thoughts, happy or sad, about time...does it creep or gallop or change its pace depending upon the moment? Are you a late or early bird?

2. In honor of Olsen's well-turned phrase a "yawn of time", this week's
Chinese menu is based on that. One word from each pair crafted into a poem; the remaining words in another poem.

Column 1 Column 2
yammer.....yarn
afterward...allow/ance
wary..........willow
narrow.......necessary
open..........organ
fever..........flare
transport....tentative
imagine......inside
merry........mean/ing
elusive.......element

Hoping for some interesting insights, guys! :)

Posted: Wed Mar 24, 2010 12:48 pm
by Olsenpotter
Well here's my take. Mind, I don't do rhyme very well. Mae, please post a rhyming poem worth reading. I'll post my second one after a few more revisions.

First Kiss

Inside her tentative organ
there was a flare of emotion,
unlocking her elusive devotion
for the man whose name was Morgan.

It lit a necessary fire,
a flame of allowance,
a searing romance,
that burned her wary desire.

That kiss her yammering sealed;
her broken heart, it merrily healed.

Posted: Fri Mar 26, 2010 1:47 pm
by Fireflare77
Okay. I tried. Try not to judge :D
The swell in the middle is intentional. I would have
written more, but it just lost steam. Here it is, as-is.

Time Changes All

The falling of sands,
The turning of hands.
The pains in my mind,
The rains from your eyes.

Afterwards, you were the same,
To you it's all a game.
My weary heart pounding on the floor,
Your dreary eyes bleeding me through.

Your narrow views, yammered in my face,
My open mind, not the time, nor the place.
The fan of peace fans the flames of war,
Not planning the fever of seduction.

The tenative look, that's all it took
Imagine it- in our own little nook.
A meaning in all of it, where?
Careening off into the void.

The element of the dark.

Posted: Fri Mar 26, 2010 8:04 pm
by Mlou
Very interesting use of the words, Fireflare, combining challenges #1 and 2. I like the oblique reference to the hourglass and clock...much more original than mentioning them directly.
Your inner rhyme is good although the end rhymes are not consistent. (I'm just one who wants it to either rhyme or not rhyme, but not vacillate. Probably won't bother anyone else. :))
The last 2 lines of your 3rd stanza didn't seem to relate to each other??
One nitpick: You didn't use one of the pair...wary/willow...but maybe you misread it as weary. Anyway, glad you took a shot at it.

Posted: Fri Mar 26, 2010 8:09 pm
by Mlou
Olsen, "tentative organ"?? lol Sounds sort of clinical. Is he kissing her or operating on her? Or just a fast operator? Hey, you're trying to rhyme - that's good. Keep it up. There's another 10 words waiting there.

Posted: Sat Mar 27, 2010 5:44 am
by Fireflare77
Mlou wrote:Very interesting use of the words, Fireflare, combining challenges #1 and 2. I like the oblique reference to the hourglass and clock...much more original than mentioning them directly.
Your inner rhyme is good although the end rhymes are not consistent. (I'm just one who wants it to either rhyme or not rhyme, but not vacillate. Probably won't bother anyone else. :))
The last 2 lines of your 3rd stanza didn't seem to relate to each other??
One nitpick: You didn't use one of the pair...wary/willow...but maybe you misread it as weary. Anyway, glad you took a shot at it.


Good notes. Thanks. Vowel sounds? Bah. A vague resemblence of rhyme is far more than ample for my frequently-under-par-rhyming-poem-style. Oh, and the last two lines: I was going for a connection between flames and fever... Maybe that was too subtle. But yeah, I see your point. And know what, I did misread it. :D Oh well.

Posted: Sun Mar 28, 2010 11:23 am
by LilacWine
You know, in Fireflare's piece ... "wary heart" would work as well as "weary heart" ...

OP, keep practicing with the rhyming, it's the only way to become proficent, believe me. I once had a Professor of Writing praise my use of rhyme as "natural", there is nothing natural about it; I worked long and hard at it.

Posted: Sun Mar 28, 2010 11:52 am
by Mlou
Yes, Lilac, that type of comment gets me. It's kind of like the people who say to me, "Oh, you write? I would but I just don't have the time." Yep, that's all it takes. Not blood, sweat and tears...just a bit of time.

Posted: Sun Mar 28, 2010 1:31 pm
by LilacWine
I always order too much Chinese food ... therefore, my offering is ALL from columns A and B. (It's a little rough I wrote it straight out, no time to edit, and please forgive the partial rhyme.)

A Twisted Tale (in honor of Robert Service)

The moon was old, the night was cold,
we sat in the mine that never held gold.
A grey sixty-niner, whose name I forgot,
yammered a yarn that gripped the lot
of us stuck in the muck of that mine,
the shaft oldtimers named "Malign".

And afterwards, I must I allow,
the old man made us take a vow
to never reveal by word or look
this tale that held us on the hook.

Wary as a willow, he peered from under
a hoary fringe, his eyes like thunder.
The tale unfolded narrow as necessary
though convoluted and quite contrary.
He opened his rotting organ of speech,
tried to whisper but uttered a screech.

His fevered brow began to flare
glowing in the mine-cloistered air.
The wild transports this tentative
start would bring are argumentative,
but I imagine each man deep inside
that fetid mine wished they would subside.

We were all more merry than mean
before hearing that tale of obscene
and elusive elements of ultimate evil
that left our souls in such upheaval
that I could not possibly repeat it now
(and besides I made that pesky vow).

Posted: Sun Mar 28, 2010 10:12 pm
by Mlou
lol Great job..Service would be proud. Sure it's rough but nothing that couldn't be smoothed away when you had time. And only one split infinitive. heehee I like the tantalizing element, in that we're never going to find out what it was. :) Although JT will doubtless be disappointed. He does love the macabre.
(Writing right on the thread is how I do it too. Then I take a minute to read it over and hit submit. Perhaps later change a couple of words but mostly, that's it!)

Posted: Sun Mar 28, 2010 10:59 pm
by Mlou
TENTATIVE VICTORY
Yammering like hounds from hell
The pack gives chase,
Through the narrows, down the dell,
They run the race.
The wary fox, elusive still,
Pauses for breath
Inside the copse. While down the hill,
Bent on his death,
A merry crew rides to the horn.
Its organ note
blaring and wild, shatters the morn.
His russet coat
Flares and then...gone aground,
Safe for the day.
The passage of hooves, thunderous sound,
Fading away.
The hallooings cease
And afterward...peace.

Posted: Mon Mar 29, 2010 7:37 pm
by Fireflare77
LilacWine wrote:I always order too much Chinese food ... therefore, my offering is ALL from columns A and B.


You go, Lilac! :D You just made me day.

Posted: Tue Mar 30, 2010 7:54 am
by Mlou
Hee hee...two rebels, I see! That's good. As long as it inspires you to write, the list serves its purpose.

Posted: Tue Mar 30, 2010 2:49 pm
by Mlou
(fever, element, transport, yarn, imagine,open, necessary, allow, meaning,willow)

Spring Fever

The elements conspire to offer me
a transport of delight, on every hand.
As spring bursts forth, the willow turns to gold.
It's catkins hang like ravelings of yarn
And I imagine how, within the earth,
Small seeds awake and stretch their tendrils out,
Following life's first imperative.
No necessity but to admire
With open eyes and heart, to gather in
All the joy that heaven will allow
To this brief hour. Its timeless meaning sings
Rebirth, renewal, triumph over death.

Posted: Wed Mar 31, 2010 6:48 pm
by mae
Well, I've been slow to rise to this challenge, but finally I have one. My words are: yammering, allowance, wary, open, necessary, flare, transport, inside, merry, element. mae




When Once I Had a Headache

I have moved this poem over to the April, Poetry Month challenge topic to abide by the WT rule of posting in only one place.

Please join me there - and post your own poem!


mae[/b]

Posted: Thu Apr 01, 2010 5:20 pm
by Mlou
Good one, mae!

Posted: Thu Apr 01, 2010 5:39 pm
by mae
Which, mlou? The poem or the challenge?

mae

Posted: Thu Apr 01, 2010 5:42 pm
by pengwenn
There is a time
in the morning
when dawn breaks softly
and cool midnight air
yields to warmth
and sunshine
when bed covers
curl protectively
around the dreamer
and
CLACK
BANG
BOOM
the alarm goes off

Posted: Thu Apr 01, 2010 7:43 pm
by mae
:D I like that, pengwenn! It's so soft at first (remember the idyllic music in the Bugs Bunny cartoons? "Frülingslied" by Mendelssohn), then hits you over the head at the end - sort of like the alarm does!

mae

Posted: Thu Apr 01, 2010 8:20 pm
by Mlou
Both, mae. :)
Pengie, nice job. It does whack you just like the alarm clock, after that nice drowsy opener.

Posted: Thu Apr 01, 2010 11:25 pm
by mslover
Dreamless

passion and energy of
my dreams disappeared
fighting for freedom
they seeped away,
bit by bit
a sieve emptied over time.

Posted: Fri Apr 02, 2010 1:26 am
by mae
Sad, ms, very sad.

mae

Posted: Mon Apr 05, 2010 11:49 am
by mae
Okay, Challenge #1 - at last (one more challenge to go in this one)



Blowing Sand


Sssh. Like blowing sand,
I'm passing through.
Just a scudding cloud,
bidding earth adieu.

A mid-day shadow,
destined to grow
'Til darkness blending
I no longer show.

Youth and time,
hidden well.
Enjoy the ride
on the carousel.

Youth grows short
and journeys quick,
but builds its walls,
brick by brick.

Time steals all
growing rich and fat.
Yet life disappears
despite all that.

Sssh. Like blowing sand
I'm passing through,
leaving only dust
of me and you.