TUESDAY POETRY CHALLENGE - 3-23-10

Want to write a poem but can't think of a new idea? Here's the place for inspiration.

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Mlou
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TUESDAY POETRY CHALLENGE - 3-23-10

Postby Mlou » Mon Mar 22, 2010 11:10 pm

Can't believe it's already time for another challenge. Time seems to be getting away from me lately..or maybe I'm slowing down. lol

1. Any thoughts, happy or sad, about time...does it creep or gallop or change its pace depending upon the moment? Are you a late or early bird?

2. In honor of Olsen's well-turned phrase a "yawn of time", this week's
Chinese menu is based on that. One word from each pair crafted into a poem; the remaining words in another poem.

Column 1 Column 2
yammer.....yarn
afterward...allow/ance
wary..........willow
narrow.......necessary
open..........organ
fever..........flare
transport....tentative
imagine......inside
merry........mean/ing
elusive.......element

Hoping for some interesting insights, guys! :)
nothing is ever simply Yes or No. There's always a But...


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Olsenpotter
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Postby Olsenpotter » Wed Mar 24, 2010 12:48 pm

Well here's my take. Mind, I don't do rhyme very well. Mae, please post a rhyming poem worth reading. I'll post my second one after a few more revisions.

First Kiss

Inside her tentative organ
there was a flare of emotion,
unlocking her elusive devotion
for the man whose name was Morgan.

It lit a necessary fire,
a flame of allowance,
a searing romance,
that burned her wary desire.

That kiss her yammering sealed;
her broken heart, it merrily healed.
I'll leave you a note in the freezer.
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Postby Fireflare77 » Fri Mar 26, 2010 1:47 pm

Okay. I tried. Try not to judge :D
The swell in the middle is intentional. I would have
written more, but it just lost steam. Here it is, as-is.

Time Changes All

The falling of sands,
The turning of hands.
The pains in my mind,
The rains from your eyes.

Afterwards, you were the same,
To you it's all a game.
My weary heart pounding on the floor,
Your dreary eyes bleeding me through.

Your narrow views, yammered in my face,
My open mind, not the time, nor the place.
The fan of peace fans the flames of war,
Not planning the fever of seduction.

The tenative look, that's all it took
Imagine it- in our own little nook.
A meaning in all of it, where?
Careening off into the void.

The element of the dark.
FireFlare77

I often sit here, in this chair, writing, oblivious to the passing of time.

It's not always rainbows and butterflies, it's compromise that moves us along.
<--Maroon5
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Mlou
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Postby Mlou » Fri Mar 26, 2010 8:04 pm

Very interesting use of the words, Fireflare, combining challenges #1 and 2. I like the oblique reference to the hourglass and clock...much more original than mentioning them directly.
Your inner rhyme is good although the end rhymes are not consistent. (I'm just one who wants it to either rhyme or not rhyme, but not vacillate. Probably won't bother anyone else. :))
The last 2 lines of your 3rd stanza didn't seem to relate to each other??
One nitpick: You didn't use one of the pair...wary/willow...but maybe you misread it as weary. Anyway, glad you took a shot at it.
nothing is ever simply Yes or No. There's always a But...





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Postby Mlou » Fri Mar 26, 2010 8:09 pm

Olsen, "tentative organ"?? lol Sounds sort of clinical. Is he kissing her or operating on her? Or just a fast operator? Hey, you're trying to rhyme - that's good. Keep it up. There's another 10 words waiting there.
nothing is ever simply Yes or No. There's always a But...





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Postby Fireflare77 » Sat Mar 27, 2010 5:44 am

Mlou wrote:Very interesting use of the words, Fireflare, combining challenges #1 and 2. I like the oblique reference to the hourglass and clock...much more original than mentioning them directly.
Your inner rhyme is good although the end rhymes are not consistent. (I'm just one who wants it to either rhyme or not rhyme, but not vacillate. Probably won't bother anyone else. :))
The last 2 lines of your 3rd stanza didn't seem to relate to each other??
One nitpick: You didn't use one of the pair...wary/willow...but maybe you misread it as weary. Anyway, glad you took a shot at it.


Good notes. Thanks. Vowel sounds? Bah. A vague resemblence of rhyme is far more than ample for my frequently-under-par-rhyming-poem-style. Oh, and the last two lines: I was going for a connection between flames and fever... Maybe that was too subtle. But yeah, I see your point. And know what, I did misread it. :D Oh well.
FireFlare77



I often sit here, in this chair, writing, oblivious to the passing of time.



It's not always rainbows and butterflies, it's compromise that moves us along.

<--Maroon5
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Postby LilacWine » Sun Mar 28, 2010 11:23 am

You know, in Fireflare's piece ... "wary heart" would work as well as "weary heart" ...

OP, keep practicing with the rhyming, it's the only way to become proficent, believe me. I once had a Professor of Writing praise my use of rhyme as "natural", there is nothing natural about it; I worked long and hard at it.
"I write entirely to find out what I'm thinking, what I'm looking at, what I see and what it means. What I want and what I fear." -- Joan Didion (1934 - )

~Pamela~
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Postby Mlou » Sun Mar 28, 2010 11:52 am

Yes, Lilac, that type of comment gets me. It's kind of like the people who say to me, "Oh, you write? I would but I just don't have the time." Yep, that's all it takes. Not blood, sweat and tears...just a bit of time.
nothing is ever simply Yes or No. There's always a But...





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Postby LilacWine » Sun Mar 28, 2010 1:31 pm

I always order too much Chinese food ... therefore, my offering is ALL from columns A and B. (It's a little rough I wrote it straight out, no time to edit, and please forgive the partial rhyme.)

A Twisted Tale (in honor of Robert Service)

The moon was old, the night was cold,
we sat in the mine that never held gold.
A grey sixty-niner, whose name I forgot,
yammered a yarn that gripped the lot
of us stuck in the muck of that mine,
the shaft oldtimers named "Malign".

And afterwards, I must I allow,
the old man made us take a vow
to never reveal by word or look
this tale that held us on the hook.

Wary as a willow, he peered from under
a hoary fringe, his eyes like thunder.
The tale unfolded narrow as necessary
though convoluted and quite contrary.
He opened his rotting organ of speech,
tried to whisper but uttered a screech.

His fevered brow began to flare
glowing in the mine-cloistered air.
The wild transports this tentative
start would bring are argumentative,
but I imagine each man deep inside
that fetid mine wished they would subside.

We were all more merry than mean
before hearing that tale of obscene
and elusive elements of ultimate evil
that left our souls in such upheaval
that I could not possibly repeat it now
(and besides I made that pesky vow).
"I write entirely to find out what I'm thinking, what I'm looking at, what I see and what it means. What I want and what I fear." -- Joan Didion (1934 - )



~Pamela~
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Postby Mlou » Sun Mar 28, 2010 10:12 pm

lol Great job..Service would be proud. Sure it's rough but nothing that couldn't be smoothed away when you had time. And only one split infinitive. heehee I like the tantalizing element, in that we're never going to find out what it was. :) Although JT will doubtless be disappointed. He does love the macabre.
(Writing right on the thread is how I do it too. Then I take a minute to read it over and hit submit. Perhaps later change a couple of words but mostly, that's it!)
nothing is ever simply Yes or No. There's always a But...





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Postby Mlou » Sun Mar 28, 2010 10:59 pm

TENTATIVE VICTORY
Yammering like hounds from hell
The pack gives chase,
Through the narrows, down the dell,
They run the race.
The wary fox, elusive still,
Pauses for breath
Inside the copse. While down the hill,
Bent on his death,
A merry crew rides to the horn.
Its organ note
blaring and wild, shatters the morn.
His russet coat
Flares and then...gone aground,
Safe for the day.
The passage of hooves, thunderous sound,
Fading away.
The hallooings cease
And afterward...peace.
Last edited by Mlou on Tue Mar 30, 2010 7:53 am, edited 1 time in total.
nothing is ever simply Yes or No. There's always a But...





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Postby Fireflare77 » Mon Mar 29, 2010 7:37 pm

LilacWine wrote:I always order too much Chinese food ... therefore, my offering is ALL from columns A and B.


You go, Lilac! :D You just made me day.
FireFlare77



I often sit here, in this chair, writing, oblivious to the passing of time.



It's not always rainbows and butterflies, it's compromise that moves us along.

<--Maroon5
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Postby Mlou » Tue Mar 30, 2010 7:54 am

Hee hee...two rebels, I see! That's good. As long as it inspires you to write, the list serves its purpose.
nothing is ever simply Yes or No. There's always a But...





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Postby Mlou » Tue Mar 30, 2010 2:49 pm

(fever, element, transport, yarn, imagine,open, necessary, allow, meaning,willow)

Spring Fever

The elements conspire to offer me
a transport of delight, on every hand.
As spring bursts forth, the willow turns to gold.
It's catkins hang like ravelings of yarn
And I imagine how, within the earth,
Small seeds awake and stretch their tendrils out,
Following life's first imperative.
No necessity but to admire
With open eyes and heart, to gather in
All the joy that heaven will allow
To this brief hour. Its timeless meaning sings
Rebirth, renewal, triumph over death.
nothing is ever simply Yes or No. There's always a But...





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Postby mae » Wed Mar 31, 2010 6:48 pm

Well, I've been slow to rise to this challenge, but finally I have one. My words are: yammering, allowance, wary, open, necessary, flare, transport, inside, merry, element. mae




When Once I Had a Headache

I have moved this poem over to the April, Poetry Month challenge topic to abide by the WT rule of posting in only one place.

Please join me there - and post your own poem!


mae[/b]
My heart beats in poetry. I think in rhythm and dream in rhyme.

Give me a crit! I can take it!

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Postby Mlou » Thu Apr 01, 2010 5:20 pm

Good one, mae!
nothing is ever simply Yes or No. There's always a But...





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Postby mae » Thu Apr 01, 2010 5:39 pm

Which, mlou? The poem or the challenge?

mae
My heart beats in poetry. I think in rhythm and dream in rhyme.



Give me a crit! I can take it!



CELTIC QUEEN, an Epic Poem, Cynthia M. Bateman, amazon.com, barnesandnoble.com, http://www.tatepublishing.com/bookstore ... +Epic+Poem at Tate Publishing
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Postby pengwenn » Thu Apr 01, 2010 5:42 pm

There is a time
in the morning
when dawn breaks softly
and cool midnight air
yields to warmth
and sunshine
when bed covers
curl protectively
around the dreamer
and
CLACK
BANG
BOOM
the alarm goes off
Is this my reality or yours?
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mae
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Postby mae » Thu Apr 01, 2010 7:43 pm

:D I like that, pengwenn! It's so soft at first (remember the idyllic music in the Bugs Bunny cartoons? "Frülingslied" by Mendelssohn), then hits you over the head at the end - sort of like the alarm does!

mae
My heart beats in poetry. I think in rhythm and dream in rhyme.



Give me a crit! I can take it!



CELTIC QUEEN, an Epic Poem, Cynthia M. Bateman, amazon.com, barnesandnoble.com, http://www.tatepublishing.com/bookstore ... +Epic+Poem at Tate Publishing
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Postby Mlou » Thu Apr 01, 2010 8:20 pm

Both, mae. :)
Pengie, nice job. It does whack you just like the alarm clock, after that nice drowsy opener.
nothing is ever simply Yes or No. There's always a But...





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Postby mslover » Thu Apr 01, 2010 11:25 pm

Dreamless

passion and energy of
my dreams disappeared
fighting for freedom
they seeped away,
bit by bit
a sieve emptied over time.

"Winter must be cold for those with no warm memories - we've already missed the spring"

"Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass; it's about learning how to dance in the rain."
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Postby mae » Fri Apr 02, 2010 1:26 am

Sad, ms, very sad.

mae
My heart beats in poetry. I think in rhythm and dream in rhyme.



Give me a crit! I can take it!



CELTIC QUEEN, an Epic Poem, Cynthia M. Bateman, amazon.com, barnesandnoble.com, http://www.tatepublishing.com/bookstore ... +Epic+Poem at Tate Publishing
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Postby mae » Mon Apr 05, 2010 11:49 am

Okay, Challenge #1 - at last (one more challenge to go in this one)



Blowing Sand


Sssh. Like blowing sand,
I'm passing through.
Just a scudding cloud,
bidding earth adieu.

A mid-day shadow,
destined to grow
'Til darkness blending
I no longer show.

Youth and time,
hidden well.
Enjoy the ride
on the carousel.

Youth grows short
and journeys quick,
but builds its walls,
brick by brick.

Time steals all
growing rich and fat.
Yet life disappears
despite all that.

Sssh. Like blowing sand
I'm passing through,
leaving only dust
of me and you.
My heart beats in poetry. I think in rhythm and dream in rhyme.



Give me a crit! I can take it!



CELTIC QUEEN, an Epic Poem, Cynthia M. Bateman, amazon.com, barnesandnoble.com, http://www.tatepublishing.com/bookstore ... +Epic+Poem at Tate Publishing

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