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FFF - Kill the king, the king is dead, long live the king

Posted: Fri Apr 22, 2016 8:57 pm
by JillStar
Please visit What is Fast Fiction to learn about these prompts.

Look at the subject for today's Fast Fiction at the end of this post. Once you have an idea, begin to write. Don't stop to ponder the meaning behind your writing or try to fix it... just write. Try to stick to the 30 minutes time limit but if you go over, that's completely fine!

If you want to post your finished product on WordTrip, simply add it to this thread. We would love it!

REMINDER: Please keep your stories PG13 if posted on the site.

YOUR PROMPT:
SUBJECT: Lyrics "Kill the king, the king is dead, long live the king..."

Re: FFF - Kill the king, the king is dead, long live the king

Posted: Sat Apr 23, 2016 1:28 pm
by timberline
Well, here’s a royal story in 25 minutes and 473 words. Aiming at one of the pulp mags, like Shotgun Honey. Comments welcome.

Once and Future King of the Projects

LeRoi always got pissed if you called him LEE-roy like some of the other homeys do. “It’s Le-ROI,” he’d shout like you were deaf. “You talkin to the king!”

I wasn’t deaf. I was his bro. Half-bro. Same mama, different dads, but you wouldn’t know we’s family cause he stole from me, hit me, dissed me to my friends. Many time I like to kill that summbitch. I got a black eye to prove it.

LeRoi had the trade locked up all over our projects in Brooklyn. Had a roll of money in his pocket that woulda choked a horse. Drove a pimped out Lexus and strolled around with Keisha hangin on his arm. That Keisha, her with the short shorts and her headlights hangin out of a blouse open to her bellybutton.

Jamal punched my shoulder while I was at the deli gettin some lunch. “Why you let that pissant brother do you, man? I’da whupped him long ago.”

“Jamal, you done whupped everbody in this neighborhood. Just let it go.”

“No, that bum LeRoi is goin down. Tonight. Soon’s he steps out the door of the projects,” then he shows me his black Sig Sauer 45 caliber pistol. .

“You one mean mutha, Jamal. Same’s LeRoi. But he’s the dealer man in this part of town.”

“Just you watch,” and he strolls away to his Jeep Wrangler, which looks like it also needs to go down.

I argued in my head whether to warn LeRoi, then say ain’t nobody’s business worth buttin in.

Mama made fried chicken and okra and rice that night and I was feelin good when I left her place. Thought I’d have a smoke in the playground and see what’s shakin.’ Stopped when I seen Jamal over by the swing bars and got all sorts of cold inside. LeRoi was walkin down Seventh Avenue out of the corner of my other eye.

It was like two ships gonna crash into each other. Jamal stepped out with his pistola. LeRoi got closer. When he got near to spittin distance, I say, “LeRoi, you in trouble. Gonna die tonight.”

“Whatchu talkin, bro. Shut your mouth and get outta my face.” He slugged me same time’s I pull my own gun and put two shots in his ribs. Bang bang. Cowboy style. LeRoi went down soundin like a garbage bag full of slop.

Other side of the playground Jamal turned and ran. Ran right under the camera the city put up to stop crime. Well, I stopped crime this time. Cops’d see Jamal runnin, carrying his piece and sweatin. I might even put in the 911 myself.

Keisha came down the building steps, screamin “What happen, what happen?”

I say, “The king is dead. Long live the king. Let’s get us a drink. I’ll get LeRoi’s car keys later.”

Re: FFF - Kill the king, the king is dead, long live the king

Posted: Sat Apr 23, 2016 5:14 pm
by JillStar
Very intense and really pulled me in. Definitely not a child's bedtime story. :wink:

Can you show a bit more as to why the main character (I didn't see his name?) is so willing to frame Jamal. It seems that they are friends but then he writes him off as if he's as bad as his brother. At first I thought he didn't like Keisha but now I see he desired her all along. Maybe in that one line where he describes her there can be a hint of something like "Man, what a woman!" or something to indicate he doesn't think she's 'all bad'.

Those are the two things I see... not clear why he framed his friend or that he liked Keisha. :)

Honestly though... it was something I felt I had to read all the way through to see what happened.

Re: FFF - Kill the king, the king is dead, long live the king

Posted: Tue Apr 26, 2016 1:48 pm
by timberline
Jill, I thought about this and did a little rewrite. The MC is basically a good guy (even though he totes a gun like every homey in the hood). The half-brother LeRoi is a drug lord, beats on his own mother and has antagonized everyone else. Jamal, though a lesser creature, is no better. Shooting LeRoi and letting Jamal the almost-assassin take the blame is all the justification our MC needs.

What's interesting (apart from this flash), is the way crime stories no longer require a happy ending, or good winning over bad. Has our culture changed or is it the editors' picks that influence writing?

Re: FFF - Kill the king, the king is dead, long live the king

Posted: Sat Apr 30, 2016 7:15 pm
by JillStar
It's due to the fact so many people want to make the bad guy into something he's not... good. There's always a back story or a reason for them to be bad and somehow that makes it 'not their fault'.

All in all though... people want the good guys to win!

Re: FFF - Kill the king, the king is dead, long live the king

Posted: Sun May 01, 2016 3:05 pm
by timberline
I believe America was "kidnapped" by the Hay Code of censorship that no immoral or illegal act go unpunished in the movies. That's what changed, as a result of a Supreme Court decision, and cable taking over from broadcast TV, and moviegoers fleeing the theaters. Yes, and there's a certain amount of "My mom didn't love me so I'll kill the grocer."

Re: FFF - Kill the king, the king is dead, long live the king

Posted: Tue Jul 26, 2016 10:04 am
by timberline
I was happy to see “The Once and Future King of the Projects,” was published by Pulp Metal. Some say blood’s thicker than water, but not in Brooklyn’s projects. You can read it at https://pulpmetalmagazine.com/2016/07/2 ... giersbach/.

Re: FFF - Kill the king, the king is dead, long live the king

Posted: Wed Aug 17, 2016 10:57 pm
by JillStar
Wow Pulp sure has a bright green logo!!
I love seeing how many times and places you are published.