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FF - Greed and Gluttony

Posted: Fri Dec 16, 2011 11:13 pm
by JillStar
jillstar wrote: Fast Fiction is just that... fiction written fast. Please visit What is FAST FICTION for more information.

Look at the subject for today's Fast Fiction at the end of this post... once you have the slightest beginning to your story… begin to write. Don't stop to ponder the meaning behind your writing or try to "fix" it so it's perfect... just write.

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REMINDER: Please keep your stories PG13 if posted on the site. If you want a critique after you are complete, please consider using your writing group for help in that area or send a PM to one of us.

... try to stick to the 30 minutes time limit... ready, set... WRITE!

SUBJECT: Greed and Gluttony

Posted: Sat Dec 17, 2011 9:35 pm
by charlesp
It took me a bit more than the 30 minutes because drama around the house kept coming up every few minutes so, while I think I "net" spent about 30 minutes on it, it's actually been over the last hour or so getting this done. It's not great... probably not even good.

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The hinges creaked on the door, the bell jangled, and the spring slammed it shut again. Jason moved into the Stop & Go breathing heavily and sporting a grimace from the shooting pain in his knee.

“Morning Marge.”

“Morning Jay. To what do we owe the honer of this early visit?”

“Just getting something to eat. What do you have that’s good today?”

“Jay, same as every day, we ain’t got sh!# that’s good. Why do you keep coming in here to eat? We stock this place with food for people stuck in a car for eight hours at a go; calories, salt, & sweet that’s all we’ve got.”

“I know, but it’s the food I want lately. Plus, as you well know, I’m trying to win me a Segway.”

Marge rolled her eyes at him. “OK sweetie, when that *lately* started you were about 60 pounds lighter.”

“I know, I know, but I can’t stop now, I’m so close. I only need a hundred more wrappers from the Chocolate Nobbly Bites before I can cash them in for a guaranteed shot at that Segway. Give me fifteen packs of Nobbly Bites, a Coke, and a hot dog.”

Jay placed a fifty dollar bill on the counter. Marge looked down at it, and back up into his face.

“Jay, I shouldn’t sell these to you. You don’t need them. Hell the only reason you’d need that scooter is cause you’ve become such a fat-ass since you started eating here for regular meals. There’s a reason we don’t have tables.”

As she said this though, she pulled the items from the shelf; yelling her little lecture as she walked around the store collecting them. Jason grunted at her, mumbled a thanks, and shuffled out the door after she put the items and the change into a bag.

The walk to his apartment was only a few yards down and across the street and a more fit Jason had been able to walk it in just a minute or so, but the new jumbo model of Jason was winded by it and it took him more like five minutes. The apartment was in the motel room style, and he had a collection of twenty-three thousand nine-hundred empty Chocolate Nobbly Bites wrappers stacked neatly in stacks of one hundred and held together like stacks of dollar bills. At this rate Jason would have enough for the Segway in just another week.

One of the problems he was finding was that eating all of the Nobbly Bites was making it harder and harder to get out to buy more Nobbly Bites. The food choices had started out simple enough with a few packs of Nobbly Bites on his way home, but somewhere around the hundredth wrapper it reached a tipping point and Nobbly Bites were joined by other junk food and had started to make up larger and larger swaths of his diet.

A satisfying sensation of ripping came with opening a pack of Nobbly Bites. The paper they were packaged in tore in a way that felt *good*, and Jason couldn’t explain this to anybody. It was, he recalled, not unlike the sensation he so enjoyed when pulling the perforated cardboard top off a box of tissues in the past. The flavor of Chocolate Nobbly Bites was fantastic. Though plain Nobbly Bites were delicious with their oaty-crumbly cookie goodness, covering them in chocolate was a stroke of genius.

It took him a few moments to recognize that he had a numbing feeling creeping up his arm as he moved his hands to his mouth. The few more moments it took to process it were enough that he only got to his feet before collapsing on the floor. Pure habit managed to get one last bite of cookie into his mouth before it all went slack and he felt the crumbs dribble from the side of his mouth as the lights went out.

Posted: Mon Dec 19, 2011 10:22 am
by timberline
YES! A fiting epitaph to American eating habits, CP. Nice job here. And nice to see that you're writing!