FF - The night I lodged a potato chip in my eye

Fast Fiction is fiction written fast. The object is to get your brain thinking about a given subject without interference from “reason”. Go for the 30 minute time limit.

Moderator: Metaphor Makers

User avatar
JillStar
Moderator+
Posts: 12824
Joined: Thu Jan 15, 2004 8:36 pm
Location: The land of Pensive Reflection

FF - The night I lodged a potato chip in my eye

Postby JillStar » Fri Aug 27, 2010 9:16 pm

jillstar wrote: Fast Fiction is just that... fiction written fast. Please visit What is FAST FICTION for more information.

Look at the subject for today's Fast Fiction at the end of this post... once you have the slightest beginning to your story… begin to write. Don't stop to ponder the meaning behind your writing or try to "fix" it so it's perfect... just write.

If you want to include your Fast Fiction finished product on WordTrip, simply add it to this thread. We would love it!

REMINDER: Please keep your stories PG13 if posted on the site. If you want a critique after you are complete, please consider using your writing group for help in that area or send a PM to one of us.

... try to stick to the 30 minutes time limit but feel free to take longer... ready, set... WRITE!

SUBJECT: The night I lodged a potato chip in my eye.
Last edited by JillStar on Sat Oct 09, 2010 11:19 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Fast Fiction Friday Blog 2011-2018: Additional FFF Prompts
User avatar
charlesp
Site Admin
Posts: 13851
Joined: Sun Apr 27, 2003 8:56 pm
Location: Lawrenceville, GA
Contact:

Postby charlesp » Sat Aug 28, 2010 1:57 pm

What the HECK?!? Were you drinking when you came up with this one? Potato Chip in my EYE?!?

"Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic." - Arthur C Clarke
"Coffee is sufficiently advanced technology" - Merlin Mann
One day I realized that sadness is just another word for not enough coffee." - Wally (Dilbert)
User avatar
JillStar
Moderator+
Posts: 12824
Joined: Thu Jan 15, 2004 8:36 pm
Location: The land of Pensive Reflection

Postby JillStar » Sun Aug 29, 2010 10:02 am

No... but I was eating some Doritos (free advertising) and thought about how painful it is when you bite down and the corner lodges in your gums... and then I thought "wait a minute... what if my aim was so bad that I jabbed it in my eye". Thus a prompt was born. :D

I know... I'm pretty dang cool that way! 8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8)
Fast Fiction Friday Blog 2011-2018: Additional FFF Prompts
User avatar
timberline
Wordtrip Junkie
Posts: 1468
Joined: Tue Apr 13, 2004 9:54 am
Location: Back home in south Jersey
Contact:

Postby timberline » Mon Aug 30, 2010 5:01 pm

Chips? There's more than one kind of chips. Sorry to run have run over the time limit, but the story kind of grabbed me and ran. Recalled my wife mentioning a guy in bluejeans who threw down $7,000 in cash at the craps table last week. Thousand words, 45 minutes.Flying Chips

Things were humming along for a Friday night at the Tropicana, even at 5 o’clock—early for the New Yorkers to get down to AC on the bus from Chinatown. The FIs—the Fixed Incomes who burned off their Social Security checks as soon as they got off the bus from Geezer Heaven Adult Community—were in the bathroom before getting back on the bus.

For me, daytime-nighttime was the same time since my wife walked out on me for a clarinet player in Brooklyn.

I sat down at the blackjack table, nodding at Cho, the dealer from Fujian Province who knew after an hour I was going to need a comp ticket for dinner. The babe in the skimpy skirt brought me a Johnny and water and I was dealt my first hand.

Twelve in my hand and 15 showing on the dealer’s. I tapped the table for Cho to hit me again. Three of diamonds came up and the dealer pulled a deuce. Hit me, I said, when the babe sat down.

“Go for it,” she whispered, like some foreign words mixed up in a PA announcement from a mile away.

“Say something?” I asked.

“Go for a card.”

Mentally, I gave her a f#$% you and told Cho to hit me. I don’t need a suicide blonde from Shitsville to tell me how to play blackjack.

Cho dealt me a deuce of spades and had to stay with his 17 showing. Even up at 17.

“Once more,” I said, eyeing the three hundred in the pot.

Things stopped at that point when a rube sat down and threw three thousand dollars on the table. We all looked at the guy, probably a car mechanic from the bluejeans and gray T shirt he was wearing, the grease under his fingernails, but where a shitheeler from the Pine Barrens gets that kind of money is beyond me. “Gimme some chips, Mr. Chinaman,” he said too loudly.

Cho looked at him and said, “Soon as this hand’s played, Sir.” His flat eyes looked at me. “Card, sir?”

“Hit me.”

“Hey, I want into this hand, goddammit,” he said, throwing down his ante and matching the raises. He talked too loud. People at the next table turned around.

“In a moment, Sir,” Cho said.

“Go for a card,” the woman next to me said. I turned. She was kibitzing, but what a morale booster. Her breasts were like two supermarket chickens reincarnated into flying eagles, threatening to escape her skimpy red tank top. Her blonde hair was an Ohio wheatfield inviting me to get naked and get back to nature.

“You telling me how to play my cards?”

“I’m helping.” Her smile lit up like klieg lights at a Hollywood premiere. “I just loooove poker.”

“Blackjack,” I corrected her. “Hit me,” I told Cho.”

“I said I want into this hand,” the Piney said. “Deal me one hand, no raises.”

“Piss off,” the bimbo said.

“Mind your manners,” I offered politely.

Cho was ready to deal when the Piney’s hand went down on mine. “I said hold on a minute. I got three thousand in chips. Means I’m not good enough to play?”

“Call the pit boss,” I told Cho.

“Well, what if you dealt him one hand, no raises, huh?” the bimbo asked. “See what comes up? C’mon, Mr. Highroller.” She winked at me and I saw a little bit of Cincinnati or some flyover place creep out from behind the façade on her face.

Cho raised his eyebrows. This was highly irregular, improper, and perhaps uncorporate too. I saw the boss in the black suit sidle up behind Cho to keep things cool.

“f#$% it,” I said. “Deal one hand to the kamikaze pilot here.”

Cho shrugged and dealt the greaser three 5s, a trey and a deuce.

“Hot diggity damn!” he shouted. “Knew it was my lucky night.”

“Your card,” Cho said sliding a card out of the shoe for me.

I turned the corner up. “Go for broke, Cowboy?” I asked the greaseball. “You got 20 showing to the dealer’s 17. He has to stay. Want to match my 21 and share the pot?”

“You’re busted,” the country boy whispered, but I knew he was flinching, wondering what I had. I come to AC twice a month. This is my home and I was going to take Miss Cincinnati upstairs tonight. I was still debating whether to duct tape her mouth.

“Pay to play," I said. "I’ll raise you a hundred.”

“You city boys are so smart.” His voice was the hoarse gargle of someone who’s knocked back a pint of Jack Daniels. “You come down from Philadelphia and New York with your high-handed ways, walking all over us locals. Take our jobs, our women. Turn our farms into condo-fucking-iniums. I am so sick of you white-assed, lily-livered, sewer-swimming. subway-riding city folk.”

I shrugged elaborately. “That’s the game, Cowboy.”

With the superb wit and response of a rural, he took a hundred dollar chip from his stack and whistled it across the table at my head. "There's your ante!"

It struck me two microseconds before the pit boss tackled him backwards off the chair and threw him to the ground.

“Oh, baby, are you alright?” the babe gasped, grasping my temples in her cool hands. A manicured fingernail brushed my eyebrow smooth. “Oh, my God, I’ve never seen…. I think we should get you to a room with a cold cloth for your eye. Can I call a doctor?”

Cho was worried and came around the table to put a hand on my shoulder. When he saw that I wasn’t mortally wounded, he asked if he could comp me a room for the night and dinner for two. “And, perhaps, we can finish this hand, Sir.”

“Yeah, let’s get this over with.” I turned over the cards. Twenty-one. The pot was pushed over to my place, I put the chips in a bucket and held the blonde by her elbow. “Dinner? And tell me your name.”

“That was so dramatic,” she oohed.

“Wait till you see a couple of supermarket chickens fly. That’ll be dramatic.”
 Cruising the Green of Second Avenue is available at Barnes & Noble and other online book sellers. More good stuff at http://allotropiclucubrations.blogspot.com
User avatar
JillStar
Moderator+
Posts: 12824
Joined: Thu Jan 15, 2004 8:36 pm
Location: The land of Pensive Reflection

Postby JillStar » Tue Aug 31, 2010 9:13 pm

Uh... supermarket chickens reincarnated into flying eagles??? HAHAHA! That's pretty funny!

This was pretty action packed for being seated at a blackjack table. Good one Timber!

Potato chip... blackjack chip... whichever... :)
Fast Fiction Friday Blog 2011-2018: Additional FFF Prompts
User avatar
timberline
Wordtrip Junkie
Posts: 1468
Joined: Tue Apr 13, 2004 9:54 am
Location: Back home in south Jersey
Contact:

Postby timberline » Wed Sep 01, 2010 10:37 am

Already in rewrite, but toned down in language and deeper in characterization. The flying chickens remain, Jill.
 Cruising the Green of Second Avenue is available at Barnes & Noble and other online book sellers. More good stuff at http://allotropiclucubrations.blogspot.com
User avatar
LilacWine
Wordtrip Grand Master
Posts: 1632
Joined: Tue May 09, 2006 9:39 pm
Location: Battle Creek, MI

Postby LilacWine » Fri Sep 03, 2010 3:30 pm

I can't wait to see where you place the rewrite.
"I write entirely to find out what I'm thinking, what I'm looking at, what I see and what it means. What I want and what I fear." -- Joan Didion (1934 - )

~Pamela~
User avatar
timberline
Wordtrip Junkie
Posts: 1468
Joined: Tue Apr 13, 2004 9:54 am
Location: Back home in south Jersey
Contact:

Postby timberline » Fri Sep 03, 2010 4:47 pm

This is the sort of thing that'll probably go to Big Pulp. Genre stuff, you know. Noir and all that.
 Cruising the Green of Second Avenue is available at Barnes & Noble and other online book sellers. More good stuff at http://allotropiclucubrations.blogspot.com
User avatar
timberline
Wordtrip Junkie
Posts: 1468
Joined: Tue Apr 13, 2004 9:54 am
Location: Back home in south Jersey
Contact:

Postby timberline » Wed Feb 01, 2012 12:31 pm

Did I mention this was accepted by Big Pulp for publication in December of this year?
 Cruising the Green of Second Avenue is available at Barnes & Noble and other online book sellers. More good stuff at http://allotropiclucubrations.blogspot.com

Return to “Fast Fiction Friday”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest