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Postby musthavebeenmykarma » Sat Mar 08, 2008 11:24 am

Some of them I just can't believe aren't on purpose...
He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant, and she was the East River .

Sounds almost like a narrator's voice there. Although I could also see the rest of the story continuing as if that metaphor hadn't happened :P
I hope I'm a punk-rocking zombie when I die-

Or at least a headbanging one.

I have a Tumblr now! Thomas Caldwell Novels

or leave a message on my blogspot: Thomas Caldwell Novels
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Postby timberline » Sat Mar 08, 2008 1:30 pm

Hey, bad metaphors and similes are big stuff! These from On the Premises' minicontest (

Third Place ($5) by Darren Blair:
CLICHE: She couldn’t carry a tune in a bucket.
REWRITE: Whenever she sang, her notes pitched upward with such sharpness that they would frequently impale innocent starlings as they passed on by.

Second Place ($10) by Laura Loomis
CLICHE: She looked like she’d seen a ghost.
REWRITE: She looked like she’d unwrapped a birthday present to find a severed head.

First Place ($15) by Melody Ringo
CLICHE: They stared at him like he was from another planet.
REWRITE: They stared at him like a cow stares at a new gate.
 Cruising the Green of Second Avenue is available at Barnes & Noble and other online book sellers. More good stuff at
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Postby Hissmonster » Sat May 10, 2008 11:12 pm

A few mother's day jokes for you all:

When Johnny had a new sister, he became envious of the attention she was getting. One day while his mother was nursing the baby, Johnny was getting unyielding about being on mom's lap. Mom wasn't able to deal with both children at that time and told Johnny to go wait for her. He then asked his mom: "Mommy, can you please put Clara back in your tummy now?"

A Sunday school teacher asked her class why Joseph and Mary took Jesus with them to Jerusalem. A small child replied: "They couldn't get a baby-sitter."

A mother and her young son returned from the grocery shop and began putting away the groceries. The boy opened the box of animal crackers and spread them all over the table. "What are you doing?" his mother asked. "The box says you can't eat them if the seal is broken," the boy explained. "Therefore I'm looking for the seal."
"Come to the dark side; we have coffee!"
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Postby Saphyre » Mon Jul 21, 2008 5:19 pm

Redhead: lend me $10.
Blonde: you won't pay me back
Redhead: fine, lend me $20, but only give me $10 right now. then i'll owe you ten bucks and you'll owe ten bucks, then we can call it square and you don't have to worry about me paying you back.
Blonde: okay.
For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life through Christ Jesus…
For by grace you have been saved through faith… it is the gift of God, not of works, lest anyone should boast.
Please always feel free to critique anything I write as I am by no means perfect!
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Postby J. Smith » Thu Aug 07, 2008 2:42 am

Did you know that 88% of statistics are made up on the spot?
After silence, that which comes nearest to expressing the inexpressible is music. Aldous Huxley

It is our choices...that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.
J. K. Rowling, Harry Potter and The Chamber of Secrets, 1999
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Postby Nephtalius » Sat Aug 09, 2008 3:41 am

What did Bill Clinton say when he realized his wife wasn't going to win the Democratic party's nomination for President??

"Close but no cigar."
Ethics are so annoying. I avoid them on principle. -- Bucky in the Get Fuzzy comic strip.
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Postby JillStar » Sat Aug 09, 2008 11:27 pm

Fast Fiction Friday Blog 2011-2018: Additional FFF Prompts

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