Grandma's Final Concert

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Ejyptia

Postby Ejyptia » Mon Jun 13, 2011 9:04 pm

Do you want criticism on this, or not? I read the sticky note, and you didn't mention whether it was okay or anything, so I'm going to play it safe and assume not? o.o

She pauses,
sits at the piano
plays familiar tune.
---This isn't exactly criticism, I think? It's more of a suggestion, I guess. Maybe it should be, "and plays a familiar tune." It might be some poetic thing without the "and," or something, I'm not sure, but it just sounds really out of place, like it's missing something without the "and." :-D

This is just a note: In writing, poetry, just like in essays, I think you should avoid making the number symbol, like "4 grandchildren" and instead, the numeral, "Four grandchildren." Writing the numeral is more formal, and seen as more professional than writing the symbol, since writing the symbol is considered lazy. It's like writing "Lol" instead of saying, "Oh, that's funny!" >.>

I will be honest here, I don't really understand poetry. It's just like, at a higher level than me, or something. I don't quite get it, I never did, I never wanted to. I think they're a bit mushy, and I was never into those kind of things. However, I will admit, many poems use beautiful choice of words, they phrase things excellently. I do not find this in each poem, but when I do, I often come to like it. That's what I found in this poem ^^. The whole first stanza was beautiful, to me. "Memory invites a dance," "Escaping dullness from December afternoon," Beautiful, just great =]. I loved the second stanza, too, especially, "Musical knowledge," and so and so forth. It was all brilliant with the words, I loved them. It's a little sad, and yet happy, I feel like the Grandma was ready to go, she'd done all she wanted to and she had no regrets, and her final song was just her goodbye. It was lovely. It reminds me of my Grandpa.
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Mlou
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Postby Mlou » Sun Jun 19, 2011 11:31 am

Hi, Hiker...glad to see some new poems being posted here. It's been unbelievably quiet. I'm trying to get things moving by starting to post poetry challenges again. Please exercise your muscles on the new one (or older ones). :)
On this poem...it seems to me that you have the makings of two poems here. One should concentrate on grandma, her last concert, and your goodbye. Stanzas five and six don't seem to relate to the immediacy of her playing that little tune and what follows.

Hi, Ejiptia...not all poetry is mushy and boring...only the trite, predictible stuff that some people post in the mistaken notion that it's real poetry. Please read more. I'll bet you'll find some that has something to say to you. :)
nothing is ever simply Yes or No. There's always a But...


GINGERBREAD MAN by Mary Lou Healy at Amazon.com http://www.publishamerica.com/shopping/ ... ogid=16658 at Publish America
Ejyptia

Postby Ejyptia » Sun Jun 19, 2011 11:52 am

No problem ^^

Miou: I know, I have! :P I've read tons of poems... Most of them were about love, or friendship, but some were about... masks and things, or the world, etc, which sometimes I can relate to. I just never really have an interest in any of it, though, so nothing of it really gets to me. Maybe for a few seconds, and I just don't notice it :]
I tend to think that, if the writer is going to say it's poetry, it's poetry. I really only believe in the author being the critic themselves, instead of critics coming along to "review" novels and poetry. I think that is a little silly, really. Perhaps the writer is seeing something we're not with the poem, even though we may not think it's a poem. There's plenty of reasons. There's just a matter of how good the poem is, not that it's not a poem. I don't think there's any "real poetry" or "real music." It's just not something I can come to. I get that maybe it has real meaning to it, emotion, everything might be perfect and so on, but poetry is poetry. There's no fake poetry, or real poetry. Well, to me XD. Literature is literature. And if anyone wants to come along and say something is not literature, well, who are they to say that? They'll never be experts in the field, it's simply their opinion. :P
Thank you though!
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Mlou
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Postby Mlou » Sun Jun 19, 2011 12:51 pm

I have to disagree with you. There is "real" poetry, that speaks of something universal that can resonate in all of us, and does so in a unique, fresh manner. And there is incredibly bad "poetry" that hauls out every cliche about love, friendship, nature or whatever, with trite over-used phrases and ideas, and June-moon-tune kinds of rhyme.
It may be doggerel but it's not poetry.
It's not what the writer is "seeing" as much as how he communicates his vision to the reader. I don't hold with self-appointed experts, no. But when one reads enough, whether of literature or poetry, one learns to recognize the difference between excellence and mediocre to poor. One sees the same worn-out ideas reiterated and then, suddenly, one sees something that's alive and real. Or so it has been in my ancient experience. :D
nothing is ever simply Yes or No. There's always a But...





GINGERBREAD MAN by Mary Lou Healy at Amazon.com http://www.publishamerica.com/shopping/ ... ogid=16658 at Publish America
Ejyptia

Postby Ejyptia » Sun Jun 19, 2011 4:50 pm

It's never all. Like, with me. XD Though with me, it could very well be that I'm just so daft with poetry nothing works >.>. But I'm pretty sure, the poem just means nothing. Like with Shakespeare? Many love his works. I can't stand his poems, I don't like them, and I never feel anything from them. Or like with J.K Rowling's writing. People absolutely love her writing, but I find it quite boring. I couldn't get through the whole book >.>. I'm open to the fact I'm just... way too picky, way too specific with what is needed in a book, poem, etc, to like it. >.> But I think "bad poetry" is never really... that bad, opinions aren't facts, and with literature, and movies, it's always opinions. Everyone has different levels of connections to certain messages and things.
Someone you expect is completely daft and out of it could surprisingly get the "true message" out of something that everyone is finding hard to see. Because something just clicks for them, things that have happened that they can link together and relate to that one thing. It's like with a cheesy love poem, maybe. Yeah, it's cheesy. But people who have been "in love" can still relate to it. But when there's a line out of place, when it's going too fast, too slow, when it's being repetitive, that's their taste, it's just something they don't like. It's their preference speaking, what THEY want to see. It's like with emotions, and love. Everyone tries to tell you what love is, what this guy or girl wouldn't and would do if they actually loved you. What this friend would say and do if they were an actual friend.
Sure, it makes sense they wouldn't kill you if they loved you, right? But that's just what we were raised to believe, and it's been there so long it's instinct. I don't think "instincts" are ever really naturally, it takes time to burn in and to seem like it's just instinct. I mean, with Hell and Heaven (Not saying I believe in those things), Hell is the enemy, and Heaven is all right, everything is great, etc. But who's to say what Hell is doing is really bad? That's just their opinion. To Hell, they're happy doing what they're doing, they like to torture people and make them miserable and laugh, that's the way they have fun, and so on >.>. And then we like to come along and say it's bad? That's just our way of running our people. I mean, if you're raised to be racist, you're going to be racist. They're going to seem like the enemies. But who's to say they are? Now I lost myself. I don't even know what I'm going on about. Bad circumlocution problem here >.> I can't explain in few words. But anyway... When something receives a higher amount of negative attention rather than positive, it would seem so that it's really bad. Obviously, not much liked it at all. But it still had some positive perspectives. Some people are better at seeing the positive side, others, the negative side. Maybe it just happened to be at the time where more people with the negative side happened to come along to see the work, and the more positive people are just busy doing something else. It's not like the whole world has read it, you don't have the whole population to really see it all. It's like with the internet, say, DeviantArt. You post art at a certain time, it might attract certain users who come on at certain time and are interested in that genre it was placed it. Sometimes there's no comments because those people are just not on.
I used to think it made sense to criticize poems and everything, but now I don't do it unless it's asked for. It was 8th grade. I mean, the poems the students would give to my teachers and things, they were ridiculous. They weren't in proper format, they had atrocious grammar, very awful sentence structure, "cry/fly/lie" rhymes, and so on. But my teacher found them brilliant. I was just all, "O____O. What...? What in the WORLD are you seeing that I am not?" Seriously, he loved them. But he is one of those people who were highly educated, perfect grammar, dialogue, highly respectful and forgiving, he was amazing. He saw so far beyond things. He wouldn't judge at all, he knew he needed to get to know a person before such. So he would, just walk right up there, say hi and everything. And he was such a positive person, in contrast to me, who is fairly pessimistic. So, I tried one time. I guess I was in a good mood, maybe, but I read a few of the poems, and found they really weren't that bad. The grammar was still eye-dropping, but I just didn't pay attention to the errors, and the poems were fine. Of course there's errors, there's always going to be errors. There's errors in anything and everything no matter what. People will come along and say something is horrible, how about when they say something is great? What would they do if someone else came along and said that poem was bad, this and that was wrong, etc, and it's something the other critics never noticed, but now that they point it out, it really is bad? Or, maybe they don't take it into consideration - ridiculous, the poem is great, the flow is perfect, it's pure brilliance. Well, what if that person really knows what they are talking about? The other critics may just be blind to it. Something has to be covering their eyes.
There were certainly a few things more in this poem that would bother me, but I just read it, and I loved it that way, without any nit-picky critic pointing out everything and not letting me enjoy it. I used to do that all the time. I was so picky about things I couldn't enjoy any story at all. If anything was out of place, just no. With online stories? Good god... There was so much. I couldn't stand it, and I noticed I started having these really negative reviews. I just couldn't take all of the interruptions, with the criticizing person inside of me screaming at the poor choice of words and everything. Even published books. It was just insane XD. So, I stopped that. And I find I do enjoy literature a lot more than I used to. Back then, I was basically giving up on it. And the comments of others, well I brushed it aside. Some stories were just ridiculous, cliche and boring, and those commenting loved it, it was so original, etc. I thought, "They're just stupid =.=. They have no originality whatsoever." Looking back, maybe they just read it, maybe they weren't focusing on every single negative thing, pausing if there was one missing letter or a word out of place, and so on. And I remember, some stories I read that were so dreadful. I return to them and they... aren't that bad.
Wow... I rant a lot about something I might not even know about >.>. I think I understand what you're saying. Maybe I don't, but I'm positive I do. I'm sorry if what I just said there made no sense. When huge blocks form like that, my words get jumbled. Then I'm sure no one can understand me o.o XD. I don't know. I'm not sure if I stayed on topic, either. And now I'm still ranting, so I'll shut up. >.<

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