A new poem by me...what do you think?

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Olsenpotter
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A new poem by me...what do you think?

Postby Olsenpotter » Tue Feb 17, 2009 2:52 pm

She's Pregnant
I fed her a pickle ice-cream cupcake.
She asked for a second
a third
she threw up the fourth
then we sat down
and watched Food network.
Last edited by Olsenpotter on Mon May 04, 2009 9:52 am, edited 2 times in total.
I'll leave you a note in the freezer.
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mslover
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Postby mslover » Tue Feb 17, 2009 3:42 pm

LOL! thank goodness the only thing i ever wanted when i was pregnant was KFC mashed potatoes and gravy!

(just as a matter of cleaning up the poem ... i would take out the "and" before then we sat down..)

"Winter must be cold for those with no warm memories - we've already missed the spring"

"Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass; it's about learning how to dance in the rain."
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Mlou
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Postby Mlou » Tue Feb 17, 2009 4:05 pm

Sounds like a lot of fun! :puke:
nothing is ever simply Yes or No. There's always a But...


GINGERBREAD MAN by Mary Lou Healy at Amazon.com http://www.publishamerica.com/shopping/ ... ogid=16658 at Publish America
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mae
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Postby mae » Mon May 04, 2009 9:50 am

I would also take out the second line, Olsen. Leave it to our imaginations how it tasted.

But I absolutely LOVE the she threw up on the fourth line. Fabulous!

This is a wonderful memory!

mae
My heart beats in poetry. I think in rhythm and dream in rhyme.

Give me a crit! I can take it!

CELTIC QUEEN, an Epic Poem, Cynthia M. Bateman, amazon.com, barnesandnoble.com, http://www.tatepublishing.com/bookstore ... +Epic+Poem at Tate Publishing
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Olsenpotter
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Postby Olsenpotter » Mon May 04, 2009 9:52 am

It's much better without the second line.
Thanks Mae
I'll leave you a note in the freezer.
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Olsenpotter
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Postby Olsenpotter » Mon May 04, 2009 10:13 am

Well...
I should be studying for Finals again today, but it's my 25th birthday and all I wanted to do was write poetry. It's an odd thing to wish for on your birthday: what 25 year old male now a days wishes for time to write poems? I had a man yesterday tell me that I was fat, hairy, and my passion for the language would amount to nothing.
I have nothing to say about the first two offenses; I am happy with how I look and don't care what people think. The last, most grievous offense I would like to address. And while I realize this is the section for writing poetry (there will be a poem at the end) I wanted to address it here because it's what inspired my poem.

To those of you who love poetry I say this to you: Thank you. It is the few, the proud, the poetry-lovers in this world that keep us in line with the beauty our language is capable of. This man came into my home, eat dinner with me and wife, and then told me that my collection of poetry, novels, plays, were a thing of the past and only worthy of the fire.
I felt violated. I felt that he had taken everything that I love about my life and thrown it into the blender. Needless to say, I asked him kindly to leave. He didn't understand why...
"Unhappy that I am I can not heave my heart into my mouth". I can only say this: as long as I am alive, my life will be spent in the pursuit of passionate language.

and now the poem (sorry for the delay)

"Punctuation is Overrated,"

she said,

the semicolon is semi-useless;

the comma shows just trailing thoughts;

who has need of the colon: It's pointless;

Exclamation marks bore me;

Question marks are absurd;

Dashes and Parenthesis annoy and distract;

Give me a simple sentence, stripped of fancy
dress, wearing nothing but the revealing period."

I listened and mentally added
the punctuation as she went.
I'll leave you a note in the freezer.
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mae
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Postby mae » Mon May 04, 2009 10:21 am

I LOVE your punctuation poem - and I'm glad you threw out your guest. Not too long ago, I took a writing class and I was the only poet there. An English teacher - a TEACHER! - asked me what the point was in writing my epic as a poem instead of just writing it as a story, a novel. I was flabbergasted.

Why can't people who don't get it, not get it quietly (and with a sentence like that, I'm SO grateful for commas), keeping their offensive opinions to themselves?

Ahem. Sorry.

Nice poem, Olsen.

mae
My heart beats in poetry. I think in rhythm and dream in rhyme.



Give me a crit! I can take it!



CELTIC QUEEN, an Epic Poem, Cynthia M. Bateman, amazon.com, barnesandnoble.com, http://www.tatepublishing.com/bookstore ... +Epic+Poem at Tate Publishing
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mae
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Postby mae » Mon May 04, 2009 10:23 am

Olsen, I have a very pregnant daughter-in-law and my son calls me from time to time with tales (and dare I say complaints) about pregnancy. May I send them your poem? It's just so perfect. I promise I will not claim authorship, though I would love to!

mae
My heart beats in poetry. I think in rhythm and dream in rhyme.



Give me a crit! I can take it!



CELTIC QUEEN, an Epic Poem, Cynthia M. Bateman, amazon.com, barnesandnoble.com, http://www.tatepublishing.com/bookstore ... +Epic+Poem at Tate Publishing
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Olsenpotter
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Postby Olsenpotter » Mon May 04, 2009 10:26 am

Mae,

of course you can send them my poem.
I would love to help another pregnant couple laugh.

Olsen
I'll leave you a note in the freezer.
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mae
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Postby mae » Mon May 04, 2009 10:56 am

HAPPY :lol: :-D BIRTHDAY
to Olse-e-e-n
Happy Birthday
to you-u-u-u-u! :D

Oh goodness, to be 25 again!

mae
My heart beats in poetry. I think in rhythm and dream in rhyme.



Give me a crit! I can take it!



CELTIC QUEEN, an Epic Poem, Cynthia M. Bateman, amazon.com, barnesandnoble.com, http://www.tatepublishing.com/bookstore ... +Epic+Poem at Tate Publishing
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Olsenpotter
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Postby Olsenpotter » Mon May 04, 2009 11:09 am

Thanks Mae
I'll leave you a note in the freezer.
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Mlou
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Postby Mlou » Mon May 04, 2009 11:33 am

Yes, indeed...Happy Birthday, OP!
Mine was the 26th of April but I have dozens of more years under my belt!! :-D
nothing is ever simply Yes or No. There's always a But...





GINGERBREAD MAN by Mary Lou Healy at Amazon.com http://www.publishamerica.com/shopping/ ... ogid=16658 at Publish America
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PaulG
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Postby PaulG » Mon May 04, 2009 4:00 pm

OlsenPotter-

a. Happy Birthday!

b. Sorry to hear you had to dine with a knucklehead yesterday.

c. Really enjoyed your punctuation piece. The last line was great. Have been listening to a lot of Beatles the last couple of days and that last line has a "Lennonesque" feel to it. Kudos.

Mlou- Belated birthday greetings to you as well!
...and every now & then I spend my time at rhyme & verse & curse those faults in me...- "Along Comes Mary"- The Association

"I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done."- Steven Wright
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JT
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Postby JT » Mon May 04, 2009 8:09 pm

I enjoyed both of your poems greatly.

The first is very funny with that ending, well-written too.

The second one is wonderful and witty, and especially with the ending there too, which made me laugh. Well, on the narrative: nice analogy for many encounters of clueless rudeness. My, my, aren't colons ugly in poetry though?

Best,
JT

Can't you hear the writing in the air? Ronnie James Dio (RIP)
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Mlou
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Postby Mlou » Mon May 04, 2009 9:07 pm

"Colons" are ugly by any meaning! *grin*
nothing is ever simply Yes or No. There's always a But...





GINGERBREAD MAN by Mary Lou Healy at Amazon.com http://www.publishamerica.com/shopping/ ... ogid=16658 at Publish America

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