Bait

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fiona
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Postby fiona » Mon Oct 08, 2007 1:29 pm

And what would be the title? "Bait", perhaps?

It is fw3's idea, not mine. Sorry for stealing your idea, fw3 :oops:


God made me white, ghostly white... And dark.
Because every enslaved spirit is dark.
My blood circulation is poor,
so I must keep my feet higher than my head
at least for a while.
I'm tired all the time.
Identity? I have not heard of such a thing in my life.
I hope people don't judge me because of that.
Otherwise, oppression and prejudice is all we'll have.
:oops: :oops: :oops: :oops: :oops: :oops: :oops: :oops: :oops: :oops: :oops: :oops: :oops: :oops: :oops: :oops:
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TheMudge
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Postby TheMudge » Mon Oct 08, 2007 2:35 pm

The blood-circulation part doesn't go with the rest. I mean, I understand why you put it in there, but on the path to a real poem, it's unnecessary. Otherwise, I think you have the makings of a good poem here.

What do YOU think, Funky?
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fiona
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Postby fiona » Mon Oct 08, 2007 3:28 pm

The blood-circulation part doesn't go with the rest.

:lol: I put it because I took fw3's poem as an affirmation of one's own nature. She said that she had to keep her head higher than her feet and I have always thought that I'd feel better if I lived upside down or into a pool (though the part of the pool I didn't mention). Poor blood-circulation in my view also hints pale skin and lack of energy and it's the opposite to what is inside: a dark and stormy spirit, enslaved by a physical condition. Just what I think. :-P

mae, you're right. I publicly ask any moderator to post it on my own topic. Please accept my apologies, fw3. :)

Thank you all! :-P
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funkywriter3
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Postby funkywriter3 » Mon Oct 08, 2007 11:28 pm

No fiona I really like your interpretation. I found it quite enlightening in fact. Just to see my work inspired another to a certain extent feels nice and I cannot disagree with that. :wink:
" The purpose of a writer is to keep civilization from destroying itself."- Albert Camus

"Writers will happen in the best of families."
-Rita Mae Brown

" Do not ask a poet to explain himself, he cannot." - Plato
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fiona
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Postby fiona » Tue Oct 09, 2007 8:49 am

Thanks :-P
I hope some day to be able to inspire others too. :-D
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mslover
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Postby mslover » Tue Oct 09, 2007 11:01 am

see now... that wasn't so scary fiona! nicely done!

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"Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass; it's about learning how to dance in the rain."
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fiona
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Postby fiona » Wed Oct 10, 2007 7:26 pm

Yes, inspiration came from the feet. I should observe them more often and care for them as they deserve, like kissing them every morning and telling to them that they're are lovely and great because they help me to walk and support my heavy frame all through the day.
You know what? I should compose a poem dedicated to them! :-P

Thank you, mslovely. I'll read your poems too!
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Postby Mlou » Thu Oct 11, 2007 8:05 am

Kissing my feet every day? lol I'm not sure I could reach them!
nothing is ever simply Yes or No. There's always a But...


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fiona
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Postby fiona » Thu Oct 11, 2007 9:00 am

:-k hmmm... Let me see...
What if you kissed your fingers and then caressed them?
Or you could ask someone else to kiss them on your behalf. It may be a little tickling but cosy at the same time. :-P
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