Faith

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funkywriter3
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Faith

Postby funkywriter3 » Sat Oct 06, 2007 2:09 am

God made me black,
Midnight Black
In a time of oppression
I pray for the river of prejudice to end.
Yet, I know to be a slave,
Is my identity.
I must keep my head
Higher than my feet.
" The purpose of a writer is to keep civilization from destroying itself."- Albert Camus

"Writers will happen in the best of families."
-Rita Mae Brown

" Do not ask a poet to explain himself, he cannot." - Plato
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mae
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Postby mae » Sat Oct 06, 2007 11:30 am

Ah, funky, do you really feel that your identity is as a slave?

This is one sad poem! The feeling of resignation comes through loud and clear. I wish it were a feeling of determination.

Well-written, funky. Nice job. mae
My heart beats in poetry. I think in rhythm and dream in rhyme.

Give me a crit! I can take it!

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Postby mslover » Sat Oct 06, 2007 11:45 am

i agree - well written and precisely conveys the emotion. well done!

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Mlou
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Postby Mlou » Sat Oct 06, 2007 2:06 pm

It's difficult to write about blacks, oppression, slavery in an original way, for it's been reviewed endlessly. I like the last 2 lines best, as a statement of prime purpose.
nothing is ever simply Yes or No. There's always a But...


GINGERBREAD MAN by Mary Lou Healy at Amazon.com http://www.publishamerica.com/shopping/ ... ogid=16658 at Publish America
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mae
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Postby mae » Sat Oct 06, 2007 2:52 pm

I thought funky did a good job, though,mlou. It didn't seem trite. It came across as highly personal. mae
My heart beats in poetry. I think in rhythm and dream in rhyme.



Give me a crit! I can take it!



CELTIC QUEEN, an Epic Poem, Cynthia M. Bateman, amazon.com, barnesandnoble.com, http://www.tatepublishing.com/bookstore ... +Epic+Poem at Tate Publishing
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Mlou
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Postby Mlou » Sat Oct 06, 2007 3:46 pm

Yes, that's what I meant. It's difficult to pull off. She did well.
nothing is ever simply Yes or No. There's always a But...





GINGERBREAD MAN by Mary Lou Healy at Amazon.com http://www.publishamerica.com/shopping/ ... ogid=16658 at Publish America
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funkywriter3
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Postby funkywriter3 » Sat Oct 06, 2007 6:10 pm

No, I do not see my identity as a slave. I wrote this poem after I had read A Day in the Life of a Slave Girl by Harriet Jacobs. I appreciate the comments though-glad you all enjoyed it.
" The purpose of a writer is to keep civilization from destroying itself."- Albert Camus



"Writers will happen in the best of families."

-Rita Mae Brown



" Do not ask a poet to explain himself, he cannot." - Plato
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fiona
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Postby fiona » Sun Oct 07, 2007 10:34 pm

God made me black,
Midnight Black

My version would be "God made me white, ghostly white... And dark. 'Cause every enslaved spirit is dark. My blood circulation is poor, so I must keep my feet higher than my head at least for a while. I'm tired all the time. Identity? I have not heard of such a thing in my life. I hope people don't judge me because of that. Otherwise, oppression and prejudice is all we'll have".
My first poem! Very inspiring, fw3. Very inspiring indeed. :-P
Know me by what I did today.
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TheMudge
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Postby TheMudge » Mon Oct 08, 2007 11:15 am

Fiona - Why don't you try writing that in a poem form? There are some real thoughts there . . . believe it or not, some identity.

Funky: There is a lot of good here, but it doesn't all come together for me. The last two couplets:

Yet, I know to be a slave,
Is my identity.
I must keep my head
Higher than my feet.


It almost sounds like you are saying that your identity is being a slave, and you need to hold on to that identity . . . which I don't think is what you mean. If being a slave is your identity, is that good or bad? I mean, OBVIOUSLY it is bad, but one could argue that knowing who you are is SOMETHING good, at least. OR are you saying that "slave" is the identity THEY put on you?

I have a problem with the second couplet, too . . .

In a time of oppression
I pray for the river of prejudice to end.


"Oppression" and "prejudice" are words that feel like they apply more to the Martin Luther King era than Antebellum America. This poem could actually be ABOUT either era, but I think maybe you need to give some clues as to which one (or maybe both).

Funky, you are developing a great way with words. You have a good way of saying things . . . now you need to explore what you are trying to say. I agree that this is a pretty good poem . . . but it has the potential to be GREAT, and I would like to see you explore it further.

$.02 contributed.
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funkywriter3
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Postby funkywriter3 » Mon Oct 08, 2007 11:35 pm

As to your first point the two lines are about accepting your identity as a slave, but at the same time you are keeping your head raised high and are confident with yourself as a person. You are not letting your head fall or focus soley on your feet.

Well this is a great question regarding the second couplet. Honestly I had not even really thought about the time period. I was writing it from a modern white girls' perspective who lived in birmingham, alabama for a year and was inspired by an antebellum america piece of literature. So in a way both are a factor, but I see what you mean in differentiating the two very distinct time periods.

Thanks Mudge for your $.02
" The purpose of a writer is to keep civilization from destroying itself."- Albert Camus



"Writers will happen in the best of families."

-Rita Mae Brown



" Do not ask a poet to explain himself, he cannot." - Plato

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