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Posted: Sat Oct 06, 2007 2:06 am
by funkywriter3
Keep your head up
Stay faithful
Life's too short
Dare to dream
Pleasant dreams
The ship has weathered every rack
Look upward
In the mirror
Keep your head up
Things are gonna change
I can feel it
You can steer yourself
Any direction you choose
Decide where to go
Hold on
The world's a stage
Play their part
I'm savin all my soul
My soul grew stronger
No human fears
I'm a winner
A friendly gesture
A found gift
Like a golden sun
Start a brand new day
Worth while

Posted: Sat Oct 06, 2007 9:55 am
by Mlou
Some good thoughts, funky, but maybe somewhat generalized? Comes across a little repetitious and the short "sound bites" don't seem to convey a poetic feeling. They seem a bit abrupt, bitten off. I would suggest shortening somewhat and consolidating your main thought. What is the significance of Frankenstein here?

Posted: Sat Oct 06, 2007 11:00 am
by mae
This sounds to me like a litany of the things that well-meaning people constantly say to you. Is that what it is, funky? If so, I can see how Frankenstein fits: bits and pieces from other people. Maybe that's why it seems generalized, mlou.

If that's NOT what it is, funky, then you've got a list of cliche's to avoid!


Posted: Sat Oct 06, 2007 11:04 am
by funkywriter3
It is a Frankenstein poem because the writer takes clippings from other famous works to create their own. It was a project for creative writing.

For example this includes works from Eliot to Tupac to Whitman.

Posted: Sat Oct 06, 2007 11:18 am
by mae
Now I've heard that called 'found poetry'. I've never heard the term "Frankenstein" poetry.

It's interesting that those sayings are from famous poets because we've all heard them, often. I guess poets have more influence that we thought if their words become such a part of our lexicon.


Posted: Sat Oct 06, 2007 2:02 pm
by Mlou
I did recognize some...the world's a stage (Shakespeare), etc...but didn't realize it was deliberate. Perhaps it's a very good "Frankenstein" exercise, but as a poem, it still comes across as jerky, not smooth (sort of the way old Franky walked :D )