Mudge's Poetry Dump

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Mlou
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Postby Mlou » Tue Apr 17, 2007 9:48 am

I'm getting a picture here...and an itch to wash that wall.
Your poem is graphic Mudge and I like that. It pinpoints one specific moment in the past, that held infinite possibilities but succumbed to the realities of time. The hint of wistfulness is something we've all felt. Only "kinda" bothers me and I'm not sure why. I know it conveys the comparison you're making, yet seems too casual here. Again, don't ask me why.
nothing is ever simply Yes or No. There's always a But...


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Postby TheMudge » Tue Apr 17, 2007 9:48 am

Yes, but I was deflecting praise. Work with me here.
"Throughout history, Truth and Love have always won." - M. Ghandi

"Truth and Love often get the crap kicked out of them along the way." -D. Mudge

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Mlou
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Postby Mlou » Tue Apr 17, 2007 9:49 am

We posted simultaneously, Mudge, and I don't think that was your answer to me, was it?
nothing is ever simply Yes or No. There's always a But...





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Postby xcheck24 » Tue Apr 17, 2007 9:52 am

TheMudge wrote:Yes, but I was deflecting praise. Work with me here.


you're working with someone else who deflects praise tho :lol:
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Postby TheMudge » Tue Apr 17, 2007 10:04 am

Mlou wrote:We posted simultaneously, Mudge, and I don't think that was your answer to me, was it?


Nope. Didn't see your response until just now.

Would "Much" be better than "Kinda"?

There's a typo in there, too, I noticed . . .
"Throughout history, Truth and Love have always won." - M. Ghandi


"Truth and Love often get the crap kicked out of them along the way." -D. Mudge



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Postby Mlou » Tue Apr 17, 2007 10:39 am

Perhaps. Of maybe you don't need a word there a all. Simply: Like the you....
nothing is ever simply Yes or No. There's always a But...





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Postby TheMudge » Tue Apr 17, 2007 11:21 am

(revised)

On the wall,
Below the window,
Behind the bed,
Is a long stain;

A dark line
Where a single drop of life,
Escaping from a moment of passion,
Sought refuge
In the paint and plaster.

Warm, vital, and full of possibilities
When it hit; but from there
Slowly meandering south
Losing its purpose
Getting distracted
Diffusing
Cooling
Until it was nothing like itself . . .
Until it was, finally,
Nothing at all . . .

Almost like
The you and me
Who were once
Us.
"Throughout history, Truth and Love have always won." - M. Ghandi


"Truth and Love often get the crap kicked out of them along the way." -D. Mudge



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Mlou
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Postby Mlou » Tue Apr 17, 2007 11:35 am

Yes, I like that kinda better. :-D Are you implying by the "almost", that the "you and me" are not quite "nothing" yet? I don't think so. But the almost seems to be leaving a door ajar. Somehow, I don't think that's your intent.
nothing is ever simply Yes or No. There's always a But...





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Postby TheMudge » Tue Apr 17, 2007 11:55 am

Actually, yes, that was my intent. Leave the door open a bit. BUT . . . that could ALSO mean that there is no "stain" left from us. OR that it's ALMOST where they're going, but not quite . . . for WHATEVER reason. Mystery and all that.

And dang it, I wanted to leave a LITTLE hope in there. . .
"Throughout history, Truth and Love have always won." - M. Ghandi


"Truth and Love often get the crap kicked out of them along the way." -D. Mudge



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Postby Mlou » Tue Apr 17, 2007 12:15 pm

Ahhhh! Okay, I'll always come down on the side of hope. They don't call me Pollyanna around here for nothing. :wink:
nothing is ever simply Yes or No. There's always a But...





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Postby TheMudge » Tue Apr 17, 2007 12:30 pm

I'm just tired of Pengy telling me how "dark" I am . . . :cry:
"Throughout history, Truth and Love have always won." - M. Ghandi


"Truth and Love often get the crap kicked out of them along the way." -D. Mudge



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Postby pengwenn » Tue Apr 17, 2007 12:43 pm

Hey, girls always go for the dark mysterious type. :naughtygrin: :twisted:
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Postby Mlou » Tue Apr 17, 2007 2:22 pm

Yeah, it's the dark, brooding Heathcliffs that get all the press, not the sunny-natured "dependable" men. How contrary women are!
nothing is ever simply Yes or No. There's always a But...





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Postby TheMudge » Tue Apr 17, 2007 3:07 pm

The tall dark stranger always GETS the girl . . . but he never gets to KEEP the girl.
"Throughout history, Truth and Love have always won." - M. Ghandi


"Truth and Love often get the crap kicked out of them along the way." -D. Mudge



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xcheck24
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Postby xcheck24 » Tue Apr 17, 2007 4:13 pm

my type is totally tall and dark-haired lmao
but brooding? dunno about that.
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Postby JillStar » Tue Apr 17, 2007 7:45 pm

TheMudge wrote:The tall dark stranger always GETS the girl . . . but he never gets to KEEP the girl.

Like Angel never gets to keep Buffy.

That is, I must add, a very powerful poem. I especially like...

On the wall,
Below the window,
Behind the bed,
Is a long stain;

A dark line
Where a single drop of life,
Escaping from a moment of passion,
Sought refuge
In the paint and plaster.


The last part is giving me troube though... it's almost like the first part is very powerful but the punch doesn't hit hard enough. :?:
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Postby xcheck24 » Tue Apr 17, 2007 9:21 pm

i dont think that's the punch, tho. i think the punch comes in the third stanza and then in the final stanza kicks you while you're down a bit.
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Postby TheMudge » Wed Apr 18, 2007 9:30 am

You guys make it sound like a high school bully . . .
"Throughout history, Truth and Love have always won." - M. Ghandi


"Truth and Love often get the crap kicked out of them along the way." -D. Mudge



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Postby xcheck24 » Wed Apr 18, 2007 9:35 am

lol nah
the punch is a GOOD thing :D
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Postby TheMudge » Mon Apr 23, 2007 6:36 pm

I woke up early this mornin'
With the covers flung over my head
It was cold, I felt like sleepin'
I got up and made coffee instead

Showered and shaved, ran a comb through my hair
Let the dog go outside
Shook the dust off of my old Ford pickup
Took her out for a ride


(Bit of a song I'm working on)
"Throughout history, Truth and Love have always won." - M. Ghandi


"Truth and Love often get the crap kicked out of them along the way." -D. Mudge



www.joyfulcurmudgeon.com

www.imaginationtogo.com

www.wowwebnow.com
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xcheck24
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Postby xcheck24 » Mon Apr 23, 2007 7:22 pm

definetely feels like a song
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TheMudge
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Postby TheMudge » Mon Apr 23, 2007 7:31 pm

Um . . . thanks. I think.
"Throughout history, Truth and Love have always won." - M. Ghandi


"Truth and Love often get the crap kicked out of them along the way." -D. Mudge



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xcheck24
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Postby xcheck24 » Mon Apr 23, 2007 7:33 pm

well, i can kinda sing it in my head, so that means it has good flow and rhythm.
right?
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TheMudge
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Postby TheMudge » Mon Apr 23, 2007 7:40 pm

Good point.
"Throughout history, Truth and Love have always won." - M. Ghandi


"Truth and Love often get the crap kicked out of them along the way." -D. Mudge



www.joyfulcurmudgeon.com

www.imaginationtogo.com

www.wowwebnow.com
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Postby JillStar » Tue Apr 24, 2007 6:23 pm

Since I've held many songs in my hand before... I would say I agree with X and that it feeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeels like a song, tastes like a song, smells like a song... must be a song.

Sorry... feeling goofy today.
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