Your Thoughts

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tierra12

Your Thoughts

Postby tierra12 » Mon Feb 16, 2004 9:48 pm

This is the first time I have shared my work. Please let me know what you think. -Anna

This is the New York subway I take everyday.

The New York subway I take everyday.

This is the place where I think many things.

People are
reading, like I do.

People are
sleeping, like I do.

A man is
playing a beautiful instrument.

Students are
selling Peanut M&Ms.

An old lady is
talking to no one.

Young boys are
talking to friends, very loudly, in languages which I can't understand.

Volunteers are
calling for collections.

Mendicants are
begging money for themselves, jabbing their cup out at me.

A pauper is
walking the aisle singing a song, carrying a tune with loose change.

A paraplegic is
riding his wheelchair, ringing his cup with coins.

This is the place where I get scared.

This is the New York subway I take everyday.
choclatbubl

Postby choclatbubl » Tue Feb 17, 2004 11:37 am

gosh, i can understand why you get scared, from all the images! you did pretty cool with imagery, and i saw - and heard - all of it. i liked the way you set up the poem.
so you live in new york, huh? haha
well, have fun
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April
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Postby April » Tue Feb 17, 2004 1:21 pm

I like your imagery, but I'm not sure why you're scared. Also, I think I'd combine the first two activities. You set up a great repeating phrase "like I do" and then drop it. Could you make it "People are reading & sleeping like I do."
-April

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