Journey

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mae
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Journey

Postby mae » Wed May 11, 2005 11:22 am

Walk with me, close by my side
so that I can feel your warmth
as our hands brush against each other,
and you grasp mine mid-swing.

Stand with me, close by my side
so that I can feel your warmth
as we face life’s blows together
and bind up hurting wounds.

Lie with me, close by my side
so that I can feel your warmth
and know the passion rising
from deep within your soul.

Sit with me, close by my side
so that I can feel your warmth
and watch our youth slip away
still wrapped in love’s embrace.





Cynthia Bateman
2004
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mslover
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Postby mslover » Wed May 11, 2005 11:24 am

This is lovely. So soft and gentle. Sigh...

"Winter must be cold for those with no warm memories - we've already missed the spring"

"Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass; it's about learning how to dance in the rain."
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mae
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Postby mae » Wed May 11, 2005 11:29 am

Thank you. It's my husband's favorite. Cynthia
My heart beats in poetry. I think in rhythm and dream in rhyme.

Give me a crit! I can take it!

CELTIC QUEEN, an Epic Poem, Cynthia M. Bateman, amazon.com, barnesandnoble.com, http://www.tatepublishing.com/bookstore ... +Epic+Poem at Tate Publishing
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dumbsheep1702
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Postby dumbsheep1702 » Wed May 11, 2005 2:10 pm

that really is a beautiful poem :wink:
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Mlou
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Postby Mlou » Wed May 11, 2005 6:01 pm

Good job, mae!
nothing is ever simply Yes or No. There's always a But...


GINGERBREAD MAN by Mary Lou Healy at Amazon.com http://www.publishamerica.com/shopping/ ... ogid=16658 at Publish America
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mae
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Postby mae » Wed May 11, 2005 8:57 pm

Thanks, guys. mae
My heart beats in poetry. I think in rhythm and dream in rhyme.



Give me a crit! I can take it!



CELTIC QUEEN, an Epic Poem, Cynthia M. Bateman, amazon.com, barnesandnoble.com, http://www.tatepublishing.com/bookstore ... +Epic+Poem at Tate Publishing
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Olsenpotter
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Postby Olsenpotter » Sun Aug 08, 2010 11:17 pm

Written a little over five years ago, and still I see your inspiring cadence (I think thats the word I want) in this poem.
It might be a little strange that I'm going this far back but I wanted to see how you've developed as a poet, Mae, and this was the best way to do it. If you don't mind, I'd like to examine your poets as an experiment in author progression, so to speak.

What strikes me about this poem (I'm hoping its the first poem you wrote here on Wordtrip, a quick search said it was, but I could be wrong), is how quickly you set the tone of the piece. We know from the first words that we are dealing with someone longing for company, not sad, but rather longing for a connection. That's one thing that never ceases to grow old about your poetry (and all good poetry really), you give me a speaker so in touch with my own feelings that I get sucked in.

The speaker is wanting warmth, showing a person acquainted with the coldness of the world. I do wish there were a few more descriptive words so I could see more into the speakers mind; however the progression of the action moments gives us a little to go off of: first, they touch hands; second, they heal each others wounds; third, they really get to know each others passions; and finally, they grow old together.

I love the first action moment because it reveals so much about the speaker. Hands are caught mid-swing, meaning that both of them have lived a bit before meeting each other. This next bit is just what I got from the poem (possibly because of the Hands challenge this last week): The speaker is feeling alone and cold because he/she is in an abusive relationship. The speaker then brushes against this new person, feels their warmth and wants to be with them instead of who they are with.

They are walking away from their previous relationships and coming together, holding hands now that they are free from the coldness of their previous lovers.

This reading is further encourage by the last line of the second stanza. The speaker wants to bind up hurting wounds, wounds caused (more than likely) by the pain of divorce or separation from their old lovers.

The entire poem is a test leading to the last line. They walk away together. The speaker wants to see if this new lover will stand beside her though the tough times of leaving her old lover. Only after this new person has proven that he/she will support the speaker, does he/she allow them to be intimate by laying down together. The allusion to sex is strong but I think the allusion is to late night conversations, those times when lovers really get to know each other and what makes them tick. And, just as important, the speaker is feeling the passion, something his/her previous relationship was lacking.

It is only after passing those tests that the speaker wants to sit down with this person and grow old together. The last stanza brings to mind a painting of an old couple sitting on their deck holding hands and rocking back and forth.

In the end this is a great poem about something we are all looking for: a companion we can trust. I still wish there were more action moments; repeating the warmth line does bring out how cold life was before this person can along but I also think it hurts the poem because it's the same words. If you gave us different words that matched what was happening in the stanza (for example, feel your peace in the second stanza), the speakers mind would become a lot clearer.

Overall, this is a very satisfying poem.
I'll leave you a note in the freezer.
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mae
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Postby mae » Mon Aug 09, 2010 1:30 am

Wow, Olsen!! First of all, you honor me by going back to an old poem of MINE! Thank you for that compliment. Then to read your comment, I know you went through this very carefully and gave it much thought. That again is a compliment and I thank you.

Your interpretation is quite interesting. I can see how more action words would make it clearer. But, my stars, you got so much from it even without them!! Much of what you gleaned from it is cut from whole cloth - it's not there, but it's interesting, anyway. And you know, the little story you've told is very much like my life, so maybe it was there after all. At least consciously, I had other things in mind. It's actually the story of a long love - thus, the title "Journey." You're still relatively new at this marriage business, but I'm sure you're already learning that it is, indeed, a journey. Throughout the trip, you adopt different postures depending on what's going on in your life. When you're feeling good and things are going well, you walk and hold hands. Sometimes it seems as though you're standing still, making no progress at all, just holding firm and taking the blows life throws at you, blows that cause wounds that you bind up for each other - or blows that you may have given each other that need binding. Sometimes the need for each other is strong and passion runs hot, both physically and emotionally. That's when you lie down together. And finally, when you've been through the rough patches and made it, you sit down together and think back over your life, realizing that your youth has slipped away, but you're still in love with this same person.

I'm glad you found it a satisfying poem. It's one of my husband's favorites, so I don't think I'm going to be changing it. For some reason, it struck a chord with him.

Thank you so much for the pleasure and honor of your review, Olsen. I really appreciate it.

mae
My heart beats in poetry. I think in rhythm and dream in rhyme.



Give me a crit! I can take it!



CELTIC QUEEN, an Epic Poem, Cynthia M. Bateman, amazon.com, barnesandnoble.com, http://www.tatepublishing.com/bookstore ... +Epic+Poem at Tate Publishing
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Mlou
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Postby Mlou » Mon Aug 09, 2010 1:31 pm

Yay, mae...an oldie but a goodie! Somehow I missed it, first time around. But it gives a lovely warm feeling of meeting life together, just as my husband and I have always done it, also....for 60 years. :)
nothing is ever simply Yes or No. There's always a But...





GINGERBREAD MAN by Mary Lou Healy at Amazon.com http://www.publishamerica.com/shopping/ ... ogid=16658 at Publish America

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