Absolute Power, by David Baldacci

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Absolute Power, by David Baldacci

Postby CZ75 » Thu Jul 28, 2005 8:59 am

Can the President get away with murder? Why the hell not -- the publisher got away with raping the people who bought this dreck, didn't he? Space and time restrictions (plus the fact that I just ate) prevent me from detailing why I found this book so offensive, but we'll start with these highly developed characters that others have found so appealing -- a combination of inhumanly beautiful billionaires who are also idealistic, crackerjack attorneys. The only thing highly developed about them was their physiques -- his "rock hard" wrestler's body, her balloon like breasts etc. How about that thief, who steals ONLY from the rich and then literally gives the booty away? CHECK THE BOOK, I AM NOT MAKING THIS UP. The creepiest part, though, was finding out that Baldacci is an attorney and former high school wrestler himself – you just know this guy engages in what the Catholics used to call “self abuse” in front of the mirror. And the plot!!!! Please! Correct me if I'm wrong about any of the following. A burglar breaks into the home of a billionaire using one of those "I lack the imagination or knowledge to write about a real burglary" machines. You know the little hand held device I’m talking about, the one in all the movies, the one where you press a few buttons and doors start opening for you. The burglar then finds the "vault", which hides $4 million BEHIND A GLASS DOOR!!!! Oh sure. He opens this door using the tv remote control. The Pres shows up, has a fatal encounter with a bimbo, and then passes out, dead drunk. THEN THE UNCONSCIOUS PRESIDENT IS RAPED BY HIS CHIEF OF STAFF! Again, I am not making this up. Soon JACK GRAHAM!!! -- an attorney who is so beautiful that even the men stop and stare – is on the scene. Hey, do you think that Jack Graham!!! is really David (I jerk off while looking at myself in the mirror) Baldacci? Graham’s fiancee wants to buy him a $3 million mansion paid for with the INTEREST of just ONE of her trust funds. Her daddy is yet another billionaire. She is, of cousre, beautiful. So beautiful that we get page after page of description of her massive breasts, beautiful face, stunning body, etc. But JACK GRAHAM!!! is in love with his old girlfriend. She too is, ahem, a beautiful attorney. Next we get the "interantional hit man" on the scene. His retainer is $100,000 a day. He is, young, beautiful, (what a shocker) and has an international politics degree from Dartmouth. No problem. What a load of insufferable crap. In all the entire history of the world, there has never been a worse book. Indeed, this goes beyond bad. The Civil War was bad. The Black Death was bad. This is an abomination, a crime against humanity, and so indescribably juvenile as to not be believed.

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