Rant 'n' Rave with the Mudge (PG-13)

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xcheck24
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Postby xcheck24 » Fri Jul 11, 2008 4:10 pm

I went to the doctor yesterday.
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Postby TheMudge » Fri Jul 11, 2008 4:35 pm

ah.

Me too, in case you couldn't tell.
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Postby xcheck24 » Fri Jul 11, 2008 5:28 pm

My second time I'm on the stuff. Not happy that I've regressed like this. *sigh*
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Postby JillStar » Fri Jul 11, 2008 7:33 pm

TheMudge wrote:Jill: So are you saying that the problem lies in us trying to be happy?

No... but part of the problem may lie in what "others" define as happiness. We are measured by so many rules these days that even happiness is calculated by degrees. Only you know if you're happy or miserable or somewhere in between... and only you know what you're willing to settle with internally.
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Postby Hissmonster » Sat Jul 12, 2008 1:39 pm

Rofl,

I know a rhetorical question when I see it my dear. Just thought I would point out the obvious.

and Jill is right in one sense, we can't look to others to tell us how happy or unhappy we are.

But, there is fuel for your arguement, about 10 years back there was a study conducted on the relationship with mental illness and great artists, which concluded that every great (no matter the field) artist wrestled with one for or mental/emotional illness or another. Most are on record as being hospitalized at least once for their conditions.

But, here's a question based on the quip on Van Gough. Why do we always scorn these artists in life and then grandeurize them in death? Think of how many died paupers, unrealized and certainly not famous.


These tortured soles could no more fit into everyday society than the square pegs fit in round holes. Yet, we hold them up and idolize them, not for thier tortured lives, but for what they produced and then somehow that product is all we see. I don't know how many struggling writers say they want to be the next Hemingway. Why?

How about this one....."You have to suffer for your art."

If that is true does it mean that artists HAVE to be more miserable than others?
Or is there art sort of a compensation for life's tortures?

So, if the purpose of legal meds is to make you more "Happy" (yeah right) does that mean you will be a crappier artist? :-P
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Postby TheMudge » Sun Jul 13, 2008 9:25 am

Actually, that is a very legitimate concern, I think. For me, at least. Which brings up another side of the argument: I am only truly happy when I am creating. So if the drugs curtail my creativity, will that help or hinder? Is is possible the drugs do the exact opposite of what they are intended for? That they CAUSE what they are meant to PREVENT?
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Postby xcheck24 » Sun Jul 13, 2008 10:59 am

you know, mudge, five years ago was when I was first diagnosed. i was on meds for 2 1/2 years. and in those 2 1/2 years, i was much more creative than I was right before I was diagnosed and in the last few months. For me, being miserable creates all sorts of blockages and I can't flow. I'm too worried about everything and too upset to just sit and be creative.

just because you're not miserable and depressed because you're on meds doesn't mean you can't draw from those experiences for your creativity.
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Postby JillStar » Sun Jul 13, 2008 11:46 am

Some of my best poetry (in my opinion) comes from the less happier side of my brain, if there is such a place. I CAN write about pretty flowers and cute little bunnies... but usually what I end up with is something different.

That being said... I LIVE with the happier sides of my life... my family, specifically... but I don't spend a lot of time writing about it because I'm too busy living it. There are definitely parts of my real life that are not happy (finances, for example) and I know I can write about that... just give me about five minutes and it's done.

So am I REALLY miserable because I write about things others would say I was dwelling on or not letting go of... it would seem so since my writing does not reflect my current life. Am I miserable? Or is my writing just something that is more passionate about those types of things simply because that's the artistic side of me.

There is the other thought that I don't write about my life today because I'm not really happy and therefore don't want to admit it by placing the words on the page. Nah... that's CRAZY talk!! :-P

Final thought: I can not let others tell me if I'm happy because until I decide what happiness truly is, it really doesn't mater what others say. Am I happy? Sometimes. Should I change it? Probably. Why? Not because someone else tells me I should... but because I just happen to know what happiness is to me and it's just a matter of finally doing something about it or keeping my big mouth shut and stop complaining.

Life is full of regret, sorrow, deep love, grand happiness, misery, achievements, youth and age... but look at the alternative to not experiencing it; coffins look too damn confining to me.
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Postby TheMudge » Sun Jul 13, 2008 9:07 pm

I think the problem is, we expect to be happy. Hell, in this country, we act like it's a God-given right.
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Postby Scarecrow » Mon Jul 14, 2008 1:39 am

TheMudge wrote:I think the problem is, we expect to be happy. Hell, in this country, we act like it's a God-given right.


Indeed, we do! Everyone knows what will make them happy--or at least has a general idea--but many are too lazy to go out and pursue it. After all, wasn't it Benjamin Franklin who said, "The Constitution only gives people the right to pursue happiness. You have to catch it yourself"?

Yeah, that was him... The ol' playboy.

Then, that brings into question the difference of what will make a person happy and what they think will make them happy. A lot of folks think money will make them happy, never considering that money may be the means by which they can pursue their heart's true desire. Sometimes we pursue that dream of ours (I know this one from personal experience) and once it is within reach, discover it wasn't what we really wanted at all...

Ever been accused of being in love with the idea of being in love? That was me at one point. I was fourteen. Tragic story, really... Forget I mentioned it.

Self-discovery is a b----.

I apologize. This was Mudge's rant, not Scarecrow's feeble attempts at autobiography.
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Postby TheMudge » Mon Jul 14, 2008 12:04 pm

Yeah! Go start your own blog ...

:-D
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Postby JillStar » Mon Jul 14, 2008 10:42 pm

I think it's my right to be happy... just as much as it's my right not to be.

It certainly isn't anyone else's right to deny me...
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Postby TheMudge » Tue Jul 15, 2008 12:43 pm

See, I just don't see that. Who said you got to be happy? Where is it written that any of us measly humans get to be happy?

Or were you being facetious?
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Postby charlesp » Tue Jul 15, 2008 6:32 pm

Andruw Sullivan has a good entry in the "This I Believe" book talking about he believes in the PURSUIT of happiness... not its attainment, just the pursuit.

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Postby JillStar » Tue Jul 15, 2008 10:04 pm

Who? I do, that's who. I am a free thinking human being who has the brain to analyze, determine and come to a conclusion. If I do not have the ability to be happy from my own means, then there is really no reason for me to be here.

Now... I do NOT believe it is anyone else's job to make me happy. That's what so many people think... it's someone else's fault or someone else's duty to make or break you. Wrong... it's all up to me and it's my choice.

There are only two things we ever HAVE to do during our lifetime... and they don't involve taxes.
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Postby TheMudge » Thu Jul 17, 2008 9:09 pm

Sounds like a particularly selfish perspective to me.
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Postby jt752 » Thu Jul 17, 2008 9:53 pm

I thought there was only one thing outside of taxes???
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Postby TheMudge » Fri Jul 18, 2008 8:05 am

Speaking of taxes: do you think I can get away with deducting all my parking tickets as "parking taxes"?
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Postby Scarecrow » Fri Jul 18, 2008 8:58 am

It's certainly worth a try, I think, with today's economy going down the ol' flusher. What's the worst that could happen? An audit?

Now, I'm wondering if I can claim the dead bodies in my back yard as dependents.
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Postby JillStar » Fri Jul 18, 2008 7:38 pm

jt752 wrote:I thought there was only one thing outside of taxes???

Nah... all you need to do is die and make choices... there's nothing else you HAVE to do. 8)

Selfish, Mudge? I'm not sure how wanting to be happy makes me selfish... I think being miserable and making everyone else around me miserable is a rather selfish thing to do. Much like smoking until you get cancer just so your loved ones can watch you change into something unrecognizable. To me, that is selfishness.
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Postby TheMudge » Sun Jul 27, 2008 10:31 am

Panic churns like bile at the back of my throat, threatening to rise and explode, completely covering me in some sort of vile coccoon. Every picture, every idea, every joke, every casual glance reminds me of the things--the Thing--I don't want to think about.

Thinking does no good: I have worried this to death, come at it from every possible angle, and many more than once. I have been through all the steps of recovery, but I cannot quite break through to acceptance. I need closure, but there will never be any. Not in this case. My hands are tied, there is nothing I can do; so I push the pesky thoughts away each time they arise.

But thoughts and feelings don't just go away because you want them to. They are like flies alighting on your bowl of oatmeal: you can push them down, but that doesn't mean they are gone. They are just hidden for the moment, and in a better position to surprise you when you next encounter them.

And just like flies in my morning oatmeal, these feelings bring on disgust and horror, and make me sick to my stomach. I tell myself for hundred millionth time that I cannot go on like this.

And once again, I tell myself I don't have a choice.
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"Truth and Love often get the crap kicked out of them along the way." -D. Mudge



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Postby JillStar » Sun Jul 27, 2008 10:44 pm

The more we try not to think of something, the more we think of it... and the more we think of it, the more we wish we couldn't. The human brain is often our worse enemy.

I know... I know... nothing like stating the obvious; I do that well.
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Postby mslover » Mon Jul 28, 2008 12:51 pm

wow...i have no idea what you're struggling with - i'm sorry... some very, very simple advice i always give when i can't help take any of the burden from friends, just remember to breathe. sometimes the simplest thing - breathing in and out, focusing on it, can get you through the next moment, then the next, then the next.

"Winter must be cold for those with no warm memories - we've already missed the spring"

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Postby JillStar » Mon Jul 28, 2008 5:33 pm

. . . or find something to destroy . . . that works wonders. :twisted:
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Postby TheMudge » Thu Jul 31, 2008 11:08 am

I miss having a punching bag.
"Throughout history, Truth and Love have always won." - M. Ghandi


"Truth and Love often get the crap kicked out of them along the way." -D. Mudge



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