Del's blog: Can't argue with Moses...

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Delaney
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Postby Delaney » Tue May 25, 2010 5:31 pm

So I'm about a week away from completing my training and making some REAL moolah. My car is working *does sign of the cross*, and my monthly bills are no longer terrifying me. So that part is good.

Roommate Debbie and I did have a talk soon after my last post, and things have been a little better. Unfortunately she is now consistently going out drinking, missing her meds and visits from her nurse, and just kinda got dumped by the one guy she really gave a sh!# about, so the situation is really not improving much. She hasn't been telling me stuff like she used to which makes me think she's hiding some of the behaviors she knows are going to get her in trouble. Kinda silly, cuz I don't even lecture her at all. I just try to listen... but I think its inner guilt she's responding to here. I think she has this "I should be able to play all day!" mentality and that is JUST not going to cut it. I don't care if she plays around so much... but if she starts to get ANYWHERE near like she was before I'm putting my foot down and NOT waiting to do it.

Meanwhile, by the end of the summer I am going to have some serious MUScles! Damn, I'm lifting and walking around all day long. A full freakin' 8 hours... talk about toning.
<i>It may help to understand human affairs to be clear that most of the great triumphs and tragedies of history are caused, not by people being fundamentally good or fundamentally bad, but by people being fundamentally people. - Terry Pratchett</i>
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Postby charlesp » Tue May 25, 2010 9:54 pm

Glad to see some things working out for ya Del, hope they keep it up.

I think my current metaphor for my job was riffing on your blog title here.... "Sometimes this job is like spinning plates, other days it's more like juggling.... juggling large balls of elephant dung. I miss the plates, and I wish somebody would stop feeding the elephants ex-lax". (and yeah, I'm sticking that period outside the quote mark JUST TO MESS WITH XCHECK MWahahahahahaaaa).

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Postby xcheck24 » Wed May 26, 2010 7:05 pm

charlesp wrote:(and yeah, I'm sticking that period outside the quote mark JUST TO MESS WITH XCHECK MWahahahahahaaaa).


You can't see it, but I'm flipping you off.

Sorry that he's bringing our outside of WT wars with each other to your blog, Del. :roll: ;)
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Postby Delaney » Fri Jun 25, 2010 11:58 am

So yesterday they tried to admit me into Parker North.

Parker North is the local looney bin.

I wrangled out of it, but I have to take time off work, enroll for health insurance, and agree to a bunch of therapy.

So much for being superwoman.
<i>It may help to understand human affairs to be clear that most of the great triumphs and tragedies of history are caused, not by people being fundamentally good or fundamentally bad, but by people being fundamentally people. - Terry Pratchett</i>
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Postby TheMudge » Fri Jun 25, 2010 11:59 am

For WHAT??
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Postby Delaney » Fri Jun 25, 2010 4:19 pm

That's what I would like to know.
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Postby *Elle* » Fri Jun 25, 2010 5:05 pm

What did you Del???
Did you go crazy??
Im sorry to hear that.
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Postby Delaney » Mon Jul 05, 2010 1:48 pm

Unbelievable.

My roomie found out today that her sometimes-boyfriend Mike killed himself on Saturday.

I think this summer is out to get everyone.
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Postby Delaney » Sat Jul 31, 2010 7:11 pm

Short updates:

1. I had to kick out the roomie after she had a major crazy fit and was now totally unsafe.

2. I had to quit my job when I got sick, so even though I'm much better now, I'm pretty much broke.

3. This has pushed me to an act of pure desperation. I am going to lose my apartment and set up house... at work. Only because its free room and board, and that's actually my best option right now. My manager Betty is going to have a kanipshit, because I recently got her into a little trouble.... it was her own fault, I just voiced my opinion to Elizabeth, HER supervisor, who aparently likes me a great deal and really wanted me to be the new live-in.

I will probably hate every moment.
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Postby Delaney » Thu Sep 23, 2010 2:37 pm

I hate college kids. They're worse than 5-yr-olds.

I now live in a college-y area. There are upsides and downsides to this.

Upsides: There's alot to do. Because stuff is EVERYWHERE. Also I actually have some money at the moment. Oh, and somehow I managed to lose 35 lbs. and reduce drinking to occasional social outings, dates, and the like, or on the off chance I just want to be left alone. This is far rarer than it used to be. I am almost always somewhere, with someone. Movies, shopping, dining out. I have developed an odd preference for salad... not HEALTHY salad mind you. I mean salad with a ridiculous amount of Ranch dressing, but salad nonetheless.

Oh, and I quit smoking. Well, okay, occasionally if I'm driving alone I'll light one up, but its never more than 1-3 a day.

My manager, whom I live with, has actually seemed to make peace with the idea that I'm around and not interested in trying to overly please a psycho control freak of a manager.

Kinda over that.

And since Elizabeth, the program manager, seems to have my back on this, the whole environment at my new(ish) work has changed. Staff have actually sidled up next to me and said under their breath, "I'm so glad you're here... everything's changed!"

Ahhh... saving the world by pissing off one manager at a time :D I should get a cape.

It really does feel different. I sort of adopted this strategy: it consists of listening carefully to what control-freak Betty (manager) wants me to do, doing the best I can, and then, in full knowledge and acceptance of the fact that whatever I do no matter how perfectly, it will never ever please her, 'doing my best' is usually defaulting to my best instinct.

I figured that control-freaks actually get off on this crap. What they enjoy - their bread and butter if you will - is having the opportunity to correct you and feel superior. I figure I'm actually doing her a favor. She seems happy with it.

The best part is at least two other staff have followed the example, and Betty really has no choice now but to accept 'different strokes for different folks.'

So she's actually being really nice lately. I almost kind of like her sometimes.

My clients are great. My car is still hanging in there. Life has actually improved quite a bit. I'm always busy.

The downsides: Trying to get a f#$%ing Subway sandwich is near impossible. The closest place is right in the center where all the stupid college f@#$s cross the street without even looking (my 6-yr-old is smarter than that), and there's limited parking so I had to walk half a mile last night for a damn sandwich.

Also the parking for the library is practically non-existant.

But so far at least, the pros outweigh the cons.
<i>It may help to understand human affairs to be clear that most of the great triumphs and tragedies of history are caused, not by people being fundamentally good or fundamentally bad, but by people being fundamentally people. - Terry Pratchett</i>
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Postby Nephtalius » Tue Sep 28, 2010 3:44 am

Been a year and a week since I've been here at WordTrip. Naturally, the first thing I did was check out Del's blog.

Del glad to hear, "The pros outweigh the cons." I'll take a look at past posts tomorrow and get up to speed with the drama.
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Postby Richard Howardson » Thu Dec 16, 2010 5:07 pm

good to know that the downs are lesser than the ups and that things are actually working out good for you.
And you like subway? Man, i just love it! :P
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Postby Delaney » Mon Feb 14, 2011 3:10 pm

So much drama, so little time...

Yikes.

So I should probably begin where I kinda left off. I have moved from the live-in position, and actually moved out entirely. Betty proved to be more challenging than my measly pay was worth (keeping a set of keys to my room so she could snoop, setting me up to get in trouble etc.) so I got out of there as soon as I could. Which was a little sad, because my program manager was in love with me... or at least in a very serious "like" which also caused problems because she was apparently somewhat verbal about it, thus setting off a rumor that we were sleeping together which did NOT improve relations with control-freak house manager Betty any. For awhile it was kind of me and Elizabeth (PM) against Betty and the tension was high.

Throw in to this drama the fact that in September I began dating Rachel, someone new, and on my birthday she proposed. I said yes, and am currently wearing the most GORGEOUS ring on my finger.

However.

It turns out that as time goes by, people change their stripes... I'm thinking perceptions went something like this:

Claire is sweet and tolerant and works hard to be rational... she is good to put up with someone who is hyper, outgoing, and emotionally driven with quite a temper.

I on the other hand loved Rachel's outgoing personality, her humor, her ability to make any situation hilarious and fun, and as a double plus she was - IS- well, let's say good at alot of things.

The other side of this I think we both ignored until we moved in together. Rachel's temper can be explosive and wearying. She is outgoing with bully tendencies which of course means she is very insecure - therefore jealous and a bit paranoid.

I am stubborn, a little bratty, and when pushed to the point of vehement frustration the biggest SNOTTY bitch the world has ever seen. I pretty much turn into Joan Rivers.

There have been a lot of arguments.

I am currently writing from Mark's parent's house because for absolutely no reason yesterday other than her own imagination (she thought I was ignoring her texts - I was working, which she knew but failed to consider) she left me a voicemail telling me that I was kicked out of her apartment.

This can't actually happen. I am now on the paperwork. But Rachel tends to explode over nothing and then act like I'm supposed to forget it all and start over.

But I'm a little touchy with the Kicking out thing.

So I left. Despite the hours of begging and "please come home I didn't mean it"s.

Naturally all this has to happen on V-Day.

I just called her and she'll be getting me after work, hopefully with the knowledge that consequences follow those kind of actions.

Oh, and my VW died. I'm out of a vehicle... again.

So. On to slightly better things.

The car situation may be remedied soon as Mark's brother wants to sell me his death trap car, which only needs to last me about 3 months before I can get a loan for a much newer one. See, when I moved out I already was making careful plans a month beforehand to get employed elsewhere. I got the job, and am currently finishing up the training portions of it, which means I'll be making more money than ever before and will be very well set up to finance a car, an apartment, or very well anything that is in reasonable range. I also love my job and the clients I am working with (group home job again), and have established myself among my supervisors already. One of the best things about this opportunity is that I am being trained with another handful of people to work in a brand new home _new clients, new supervisors, new staff. So all of our practices and the evolution of the house system will be made and developed by us. Furthermore I am in the running (actually I don't think I'm even being contested) for Human Rights Officer which doesn't mean more money or anything, but is a great resume builder and I'm hoping sets me apart from the other staff a little.

If that last sentence sounds a bit asshole-ish its understandable. I actually read a book about how to be an asshole to get ahead. Really. I noticed the pattern of management to be assholes and then I read about it. First on the list for work related asshole-ism: Get to know everybody on your level, then distance yourself as soon as possible.

But the truth is this is exactly how I've seen other people get ahead. And in any case I have enough drama without being associated with someone else's.

I have a few goals for this particular career path. I figure since I've already got a head start, I may as well run with it.

So that's my nutshell. Unfortunately I'm bringing everybody in near the end of some of the story, but more to come. Because with a girlfriend like mine, and sober living for 7 months, I need to vent.
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Postby Delaney » Wed Mar 30, 2011 1:58 am

So much for that. Well, the engagement is off. Long story short, things DID get remarkably better for a while, but then Rachel's temper and unending jealousy came out in a huge blowout earlier yesterday.

Incidentally, it was our 6-month annversary.

Nice, right?

Well, the blowout started over a bathroom rug. It was moved. She freaked, screaming and hollaring, and because I wasn't about to participate in the nonsense she got even angrier. The calmer I was, the more she freaked, 'till her face got red and she started throwing my stuff around. Then of course I was kicked out.

Because of a bathroom rug.

Followed by the usual accusations of course: that I'm cheating (nope), "talking" with other girls OR guys.... she goes back and forth with that one. None of it accurate. Her accusations are based soley on her imagination. She thinks anyone I speak to I'm hitting on and vice versa. Seiously, one time she was getting her hair cut and I was sitting in the waiting area, reading a book, and some little kid sat next to me and wanted to show me his Nintendo DS. Later Rachel asked me why I was flirting with the guy sitting across from me. I hadn't even said a word to anyone else, just the kid. And yet... :roll:

Wel, I was pretty discouraged and at my wits end obviously. Naturally after throwing all of my stuff in bags and out the door and telling me to leave and never come back, she freaked when I began to do so.

"What do you wanna go and do that for!?" she yelled accusingly, as if I had shocked her with a sudden decision to go.

"Rachel, look at this! You just told me to go!"

"Oh well sure, if you wanna be like that...."

I cannot believe I deal with this.

Anywho, in comes Shauna, friend and ex of Rachel, whom I've always liked but because Rachel is jealous of, well, everyone, never felt like I could talk to her without causing trouble for everybody.

No more of THAT.

It was the best converstion I've had in months. We have so much in common - and not just Rachel issues. I couldn't believe it.... all this time and someone who could appreciate my thoughts and interests was right here all along. It was amazing, for both of us... like finding a friend who can finally understand us.

So one door is closing, and yet a really good one opened. I remain hopeful. Also, I think I may have a good lead on a living situation, so I'm less worried about that.

Furthermore, I now have my own little laptop so the writing can resume :-) And hopefully, the peace and quiet too...
<i>It may help to understand human affairs to be clear that most of the great triumphs and tragedies of history are caused, not by people being fundamentally good or fundamentally bad, but by people being fundamentally people. - Terry Pratchett</i>
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Postby Delaney » Thu Apr 21, 2011 1:51 am

So I'm out. For goody good.

I planned ahead, got a live-in position in a great area (so free room and board), bought a car, and although I was going to wait it out till May 1st, my official move-in date, I left after becoming just completely exhausted by Rachel and her rants over nothing.

So for tonight I'm with my friend Jess and her hubby, and tomorrow I'll probably be back with Mark's parents until I can move in to my real new home.

More details later. I had a teeny bit of energy but then Jess's husband and I started discussing music, and suddenly we're wasting half an hour watching William Shatner's interpretation of 'Rocket Man', and listening to 'Lucy in the Sky w/ Diamonds'. There is no greater pleasure than sharing random weirdness with someone :-D My kind of people...
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Postby Delaney » Fri May 13, 2011 11:06 pm

Friday the 13th... WAS.

Holy crap what a mess. Actually the whole week's been a mess that kept tumbling and tumbling down throughout the days, getting everything all dirty until finally culminating to today, the finale. And boy, was it a good'un.

Let me preface my week wrap-up by saying that since last week I've been looking forward to today. Friday the 13th for me is typically good at best and benign and laid-back at worst for me.

Now on to the wrap-up.

Monday: Monday is my day off from work, and believe me I needed to sleep in. So I slept in a bit, walked around my new town a bit, and basically just relaxed before seeing Rachel. We were trying to be civil, and so had made plans to have dinner at her place that evening and talk.

Upon her arrival, I jumped into the car, refreshed and hoping for a nice night. She responded by a lot of yelling and accusations -regularly scheduled program - but more crazy this time and as she was pounding her fists on the dash and screaming at me and everyone else, I thought to myself, "How many more days will I allow her to ruin?"

I got outta the car, went home, and we haven't spoken since.

Tuesday: Tuesday was a day for action. I was still upset and most of all, felt the need to do something that would ensure that I never went back to her ever again, no matter how many apologies she made, no matter how soft feelings may become over time.

I made an appointment to sell my engagement ring.

Wednesday: I sold the ring.

That was more heart-wrenching than expected, but I think I handled it well in any case. Then I had to work.

A little background for ya: I had put in a bid for a 6a-2p Lead shift as opposed to my 2p-10p shift I currently inhabit. I had been Lead staff until our house manager was hired, and everybody thought I was a shoo-in. And I was, untilllllllll.... BAM! my arch nemesis Mark Little swooped in and put in a bid for it as well.

The ony thing he really has over me is efficiency (so he can watch sports at night on his shift), and he's a big pain-in-the-ass bossy-pants.

But because he has been reprimanded so many times for being rude and for acting like a boss when he wasn't, nobody thought he would get it.

Then I go in there and my Program Manager, Eliana, tells me they chose Mark for the job, referencing that I may come across as too "sweet."

Bitch.

So one more win for the assholes of the world I guess. And in the end, I was kinda glad they at least chose someone from inside the residence who already knew our clients, as opposed to an outside hire we'd have to train all over.

But now my plans had to change....

Thursday: Now that I had moved away from Rachel, was living in the happenin' town of all things homocentric, and was ready for some new beginings, I realized I need time to actually, you know, DO stuff. 2nd shift really isn't good for that.

So now I had to contemplate cutting my hours. I needed at least 2 more days off a week, and as I'm not paying rent, I can afford it without issue.

But then my house manager Marysol told me I'd technically have to go on relief. I understood, wasn't thrilled, but was willing to do it. But she said she'd talk to Eliana first and see if they could arrange the schedule differently first.

FRIDAY THE 13TH: I walk into the office and ELIANA IS PISSED. Woah. Scary. And usually she's not, she's actually super nice. But woah. Even Marysol was sitiing there looking like she had no idea what to do.

So Eliana interpreted my asking for a couple days off, and acknowledging that this may mean being a relief staff, as a way to express my displeasure at not getting the aforementioned shift. I explained to her why I wanted more time for myself, that my situation had changed, that there are things I want to do...

"But what about Hadley?"

There is a residence in the making that also has some day hours. Eliana had mentioned it to me but I had heard that in this company, if they want you for a certain shift, that's where you're gonna stay. So I thought it was pretty much the same as telling me, "There's plenty of fish in the sea."

Then I find out later - after a shell-shocked Marysol called Eliana and spoke with her again - that Eliana had already spoken to the other coordinators and they had agreed I'd have the spot. It was mine. Done deal.

Oh. Great. So glad I pissed her off then.

Ugh. So now I close this day by working an overnight at my room-and-board job, contemplating how to undo the damage done and to see if perhaps, I could put in for that position after all.

Crazy bananas.
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Postby Delaney » Thu May 19, 2011 10:07 pm

Oh yikes, could I be any more exhausted? I have no idea where my brain is...

So yesterday we have this staff meeting, and we do some funny "team-building" exercise, everything seems to be going well, and then today my house manager Marysol is telling me how pissed off Eliana was because of A and B, which went over everybody else's heads apparently. And tomorrow I have my performance coaching, which is supposed to be every two weeks and I just had mine Friday, so yeah, I'm a little anxious and a little peeved. Cuz I have no idea what they're gonna bitch about, and quite frankly, I have only the tiniest of fuses left, so considering my ass is already beat from working so much I hope for everyone's sake I don't have to hear everybody pile on more responsibility to my shift. I am SO not hearing that. We already do half of third shift's job and they just sit around for 5 hours so I'm not in the mood.

I'm cranky. Can you tell?

Oh, and Eliana's head honcho cornered me yesterday after the meeting, apologizing about the 1st shift position or the way the interview went or something (she talks kinda fast) and gave me all these tips for applying for first shift over at the new house. Thing is, there are 3 people on 1st over there, and I can't tell which position she was thinkng of...
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Postby Delaney » Fri Jun 10, 2011 11:24 pm

Life makes absolutely no sense.
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Postby xcheck24 » Sat Jun 11, 2011 10:03 pm

No it doesn't.
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Postby Delaney » Fri Jun 17, 2011 10:55 pm

I declare myself officially frozen from the waist down... pending restoration in my faith of humanity.

There's kind of alot, so I'll do the best I can here.

1. My car is totaled, No, I did not get into any kind of accident, I just bought a lemon. It looked like it needed some work and I was prepared for that, until a nearby mechanic lifted it up and showed me a rotting out, falling apart, bastard of a car underneath.

On the same day, due to a descrepancy about my hours, I was basically told by a supervisor that I might lose my full time position and have to go to relief.

That was not a good day.

2. The winds changed a little and I had an interview for another position in another house - day hours, like I wanted, and also somewhat centered around activites. I think the interview went well, so if I do get it, I'll need a car. Luckily, I have supportive friends at work willing to help me look for one. I truly feel blessed for this.

3. Okay, here's some f*cked up for you:

I fell for a guy.

Yeah. I know.

At any rate, this did absolutely nothing for me except piss me off. Naturally he turned out to be kind of a douchebag, which I overlooked being that he was once my boyfriend in 8th grade. And boy, did he lay it on thick, but eventually it went nowhere.

But that's nothing. Let's move along...

So I recently came into contact with my brother-in-law, the one who's married to my evil sister that I don't speak to. I found out that evil Sarah left him and took her daughter, and so he was alone and sad, and asked if I would hang out for awhile.

So I said okay. He picked me up, we went to a bar... talked about the guy I fell for (Mike, a kid my BIL was also close with at one point), spoke alot about Sarah and the pending divorce, updates on our lives etc.

It was okay, but not like it used to be and I couldn't pinpoint why. He wasn't treating me like he used to, like the kid sister of his wife... but I didn't think too much of it or really anything he said because hey, this was Chip. He's just sad and lonely and anyway I trusted him... becuse he's Chip, and I always thought I could.

We get to his place after a couple drinks and play on our respective computers, talking all the while. Then he gets up and heads to bed. I tell him I'll sleep on the couch, probably stay up a while and watch Netflix or something.

He goes. Then five minutes later he comes out, shirtless, walks by m to go to the kitchen, and runs his fingers through my hair.

Dur wha?

He comes back out, faces me, and says, "You wanna sleep with me?"

I must've gawked at him for at least a full minute.

"What? What do you mean, 'sleep with' you?"

"You know..."

"I really don't."

"Sleep. With me. In the bed."

"Like... NEXT to you?" And I'm honestly thinking at this point - is he that lonely that he needs to cuddle? Ick.

"I MEAN... like naked. sex. Us."

Another pause that lasted a little over forever.

"HUH?"

Followed by: "WHY?"

He looked aound the room, down at his feet, like someone who knew they did something stupid and had to backpedal fast before all hell broke loose.

"Honestly... I really just wanna get laid. And I figure we're here, empty apartment..." he said, and shrugged.

Oh yes. How could I resist THAT kind of proposition...

"Ummm... dude, you're my sister's... something. And even though I really REALLY hate her... I'm just... not that big a bitch."

Pause.

"And also... what exactly made you think you could just come out and say that to me? I mean, what am I to you? Sarah's slutty little sister? She'll do anybody, so what's to lose by getting her over and asking for a lay?"

"No! No! I guess I just thought... I'd be bold. 'Cause usually I just beat around the bush for a long time and... I just thought I'd try something new."

"Try something NEW? Dude, your wife and I share the same genetic makeup! How is that new!?

"Right," he says. "But your polar opposites."

My jaw must've been flapping around forever. I had NO idea what to do with conversation, and I had no way home, so I told him no, I'm not interested in that and anyways its just weird.

He pauses for awhile, looking around the room again, and seems to reach a decision.

"Okay, I'm going to take the initiative..." and he walks over and starts taking my hand, trying to lead me out of my chair and into his bedroom.

At this point I almost shouted. I snatched my hand away and pulled back, with another very firm "No!"

Finally, he seemed to realize he was beaten, so he apologized and went to bed.

Unfortuantely now I was totally creeped out. Wow, what an asshole.... and then I started to remember something he told me in the car that didn't quite sound right.

The next morning he went out for coffee and doughnuts, incidentally spilling my coffee on the way up the stairs so, hell, what a great guy :roll:

He was also my only ride to work, so I made nice and then confronted him once we were getting close to my destination about what I had remembered last night.

"You know I was thinking... you said last night that Sarah might be pregnant but didn't know it yet... is she on birth control?"

"Nah, it f*cks with her hormones too much."

"I figured... sooooo... how do you know she might be pregnant, don't you use condoms?"

"Yeah, but there was a hole in the last one we used.... just a little one... I noticed it later..."

"Why would there be a hole in the condom, dude? Did it rip, or..."

"No (and here he started to look nervous)... it was just, you know, the manufacturer..."

"Then why didn't you tell her?"

I probably don't need to tell you that while there were a bunch of little non-answers, there wasn't even one straight one. Not coming from him anyway.

In a nutshell, it ended with me telling him he needs to tell Sarah what he told me, and if he didn't, I would. Because again, I may kinda hate her, but I would NEVER let someone pull this on her - or anyone. Because nobody has the right to try to trap another person or ruin their life just because they're pissed off.

Later he did say that he spoke to her. But just in case... well, I'm about to double-check that right now.
<i>It may help to understand human affairs to be clear that most of the great triumphs and tragedies of history are caused, not by people being fundamentally good or fundamentally bad, but by people being fundamentally people. - Terry Pratchett</i>
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Postby Delaney » Wed Oct 31, 2012 12:50 pm

Wow. My last post feelslike 100 years ago.

I also feel about 100 years old.

Well, I have to say, life has been generally kind to me since I last wrote in the blog. The past few months have been challenging: I'm in the middle of yet ANOTHER move, and starting a new job due to my big fat whistle-blowing mouth. But all is finally settling. I've reconnected with some of my family, with the exception of my father of course, so that's been nice. It seems at some point my mother and I decided we're just going to love each other as is. And for once she's been quite supportive.

I'm looking forward to NaNoWriMo this year... I have SO MUCH to write about and this is the perfect time to do it :)
<i>It may help to understand human affairs to be clear that most of the great triumphs and tragedies of history are caused, not by people being fundamentally good or fundamentally bad, but by people being fundamentally people. - Terry Pratchett</i>
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Postby charlesp » Sat Nov 03, 2012 8:21 am

Welcome back Del. I'm in my usual place for NaNo... feel like I should be writing, but don't really have a story. Of course if I work on NaNo then I can use that as an excuse not to write the articles I'm supposed to be working on... so there's that.

"Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic." - Arthur C Clarke
"Coffee is sufficiently advanced technology" - Merlin Mann
One day I realized that sadness is just another word for not enough coffee." - Wally (Dilbert)
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Postby Delaney » Wed Nov 07, 2012 2:53 pm

Hahaha! Well, my writing is kind of all over the place at the moment, but at least I'm WRITING... and thanks! Good to be back!
<i>It may help to understand human affairs to be clear that most of the great triumphs and tragedies of history are caused, not by people being fundamentally good or fundamentally bad, but by people being fundamentally people. - Terry Pratchett</i>
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Postby Delaney » Fri Oct 18, 2013 3:04 am

I should really come back to blogging.

Like, regularly.

I think it encourages long-term sanity.

Then again, judging from my past posts - maybe not ;)

But perhaps it could at least help me feel a little less lonely.

It has been an interesting year. Actually, almost immediately after I wrote my last post, I met the man I was sure I was supposed to marry. But before that... I was actually grieveing. My client whom I lived with for a year and a half died kind of suddenly. She was getting up there in years and yes, her health was declining, but as staff we all thought she was going to perk back up, like she always did.

Then one day I was in my room upstairs and one of the staff yelled to me.

I came down and my client was barely breathing, her skin was clammy, and she was unresponsive to us all. I told the staff to call 911.

"But..." she started,"Should we call (her daughter) first?"

"Call her after, call 911 now!"

They came in time but she was only alive for another day. The day after her first great granddaughter was born.

Also, right around the same time, my job that gave me my income started falling through. It was probably a bad decision to get involved with a co-worker... especially when that co-worker's mom was one of the big honchos. couple that with a bad breakup and my accidentally discovering some things I shouldn't have.... yeah, no good.

So literally, I lost my job and my home within 2 weeks.

On the plus side, my mom and I had started to reconnect, and eventually I went back to live with her. I floundered around with a few odd jobs until I finally landed a really good one. One that not only pays a decent wage but also allows me to learn new skills.

And also while all this was going on, I had met my now ex-fiance.

Ex- fiance. Goddammit. They are really piling up aren't they?

Ever since I turned 18 I have acquired this collection of either denied or eventually rejected proposals. 5 proposals, 3 enagements. Happily ever after? Never quite get that far.

I really wanted this one though. My mother introduced us. He was perfect, handsome, had a good job, wanted commitment, a family, and me and only me. I never even had to worry about him LOOKING at other women. His focus was always on me.

There was just one little snafoo.

Some people get drunk, and they just get sleepy. Some get cranky. Some get happy.

Francisco changed personalities.

After a couple deeply wounding episodes, he tried quitting, but I could never count on him to quit for long. Inevitably I'd come home to some disaster, or he'd turn into someone I didn't know. One time I came home from a visit with my mom and he was passed out, with the oven on. I couldn't even wake him. Another time he woke with a start and tried to drive my car, thinking I was going to work. I wasn't.

He lost time... his mind... and finally, his temper.

I don't think I had ever been so scared. I think I was more scared because it was so unexpected. He was an angel by day. Then one day I went to sleep (I work night shift), and when I woke up, he had downed almost an entire 24 pack of beer. He was argumentative, depressed... all the stuff I had come to expect. But then I told him to go to bed. He continued to be insulting and awful, and I got sick of it. I started to pack. When he saw I was trying to leave he went crazy.

I always told myself I'd never live the way my mom did for 20 years, with an abusive person. I ended up running away, and he discovered there are no take-backs for this epidsode.

Now I have a beautiful engagement ring stash away in a drawer.

What is it that I am missing? I walk around and I see all these happy, devoted couples... how is it that they all make it to the altar with their sanity and I don't? 3 times, dammit.

It wouldn't be so bad, honestly, if I didn't feel almost completely alone. I'm so used to having a bunch of friends. Usually, after a breakup, I would do one of two things: throw myself into a supportive network at work or MOVE.

Well, I can't move. Now that I'm with my mom I'd miss her too much. She's been great through this whole thing. Kinda wish I could take her to work with me.

And that's when it starts to feel weird. At my newish job. I've been here about 5 months. In group homes, even if it starts out as clique-ish I've always made friends. Always had people to talk to, share secrets with, vent. I can't tell you how many times I used to go out on the back porch with someone - anyone - and just pass the hardest hours smoking and laughing. There was always somebody up for that. And if they didn't smoke, they'd smoke for you. You could just keep on shoving cancer sticks in their mouth and they'd keep listening just to get out of doing actual WORK.

There's no such thing at my new job. Instead of cigarettes, there's coffee. I must drink about 10 cups a night. And there's nobody to talk to over coffee. You just get it and bring it back to your desk... by yourself... while someone screams for God to help them and you fight the urge to pull a John Proctor, throw your arms out and scream back, "GOD IS DEEEEAAADDDD!!!!"

They frown on that here.

The only girls who work here are either snobby or already have their friends and anyways I'm nobody - I'm new girl. The guys are either married or stupid or unsavory in some other predictable way.

And people are starnge here. The ones who seem to have known each other a long time... they like, act like they're dating. I mean, even when there are spouses at home. I'm talking hugs, kisses, sweet little remarks... rubbing. Ugh, oh my god, don't get me started on the rubbing. More than once, I have been innocently sitting at my desk, minding my own business, and these two mismatched idiots slink over like a couple of lovebugs and start the rubbing.... blech. It is one of the most uncomforatble things in the world to be sitiing at a desk trying desperately to pretend that the moans of "Ohhh... yeah... right there... that's soooo good..." ISN'T happening. I mean, I have to sit there with my face getting all red and embarassed for something I'M NOT EVEN DOING. When I mentioned it to one of the other secretaries, about 50 something years old mind you, she told me to stop being such a prude.

Me. Del, owner of the infamous "soap opera" blog - prude.

Just because I dislike people rubbing at my desk. Suddenly, I'm the weird one.

Anyways. I'm being beckoned. To be continued...
<i>It may help to understand human affairs to be clear that most of the great triumphs and tragedies of history are caused, not by people being fundamentally good or fundamentally bad, but by people being fundamentally people. - Terry Pratchett</i>
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Postby Delaney » Sat Oct 19, 2013 2:45 pm

I just completed a 3 hour exam. I have literally never had one of those before.

I forgot to mention some good things in my life, keeping my head ever so slightly above water. Apart from my mother being so supportive, I also enrolled in school again. Scared me shitless, but I was determined. It was right before summer ended, and Francisco (ex-fiance) and I were together all the time. Everything I did he wanted to do. Everything he did I had to monitor. Don't take that as if I'm some meddlesome crazy chick - believe me, I tried just leaving him alone. He just couldn't handle it. If I left him for even a day he relapse into drinking and do something stupid, like drive or hang out with people who sold drugs.

In all fairness, the people who sold drugs were in his apartment. But STILL... close the door, jesus... don't go OUT with them on their RUNS or whatever they call them.

Anyways, bygones. So it was about this time I decided I really really need to do something for just me. And this was something important. As usual, I had trouble deciding what to choose. I have too many things I want to learn about, and all of my favorites are not exactly things you can list as "skills" on a resume. It's not like nursing or something. You go into nursing, you come out a nurse. Cut and dry. What you take is what you'll be. My interests are always annoyingly impractical. Like philosophy. Or *ahem* Creative Writing. But those certainly do not automatically guarantee you a job.

And truth be told, neither does my current major. But I looked at the classes involved (2 philosophy classes!), and my inner frustration following current events and thought, "Eh, you have potential."

Political Science. Now I can be even MORE obnoxious :D

I anticipated some level of difficulty but holy crap, not this level of difficulty. I used to sleepwalk through classes. Now I have to THINK...and write... and discuss...

That last one involves actual conversation. Not my strong point.

Well, mid-term exam done. And now the library computer is going to kick me off again. Time to go read.
<i>It may help to understand human affairs to be clear that most of the great triumphs and tragedies of history are caused, not by people being fundamentally good or fundamentally bad, but by people being fundamentally people. - Terry Pratchett</i>

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